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Introduction: My friend Bev and I started kicking around ideas for this after Frances. Little did we know then that we might have use for it so soon. Even though I didn’t lose electricity this time, I thought I’d offer these suggestions anyway.

Chapter 1: Preparation

The key to eating in the days following a hurricane is preparation. You want food that doesn’t require any. Food that doesn’t require refrigeration is good too. And if you keep your freezer well-stocked, I hope you’re hungry. You’re going to be eating a LOT of it in a day or two — or throwing it away.

Chips, cookies, and snack cakes make excellent choices for the Hurricane Diet, assuming you already had them in your pantry. If you note that these foods are generally considered fattening consider these two caveats. 1. You’ll be wanting comfort food and nothing says comfort like Twinkies. 2. You’ll be sweating off the calories anyway.

Fresh fruits and vegetables, the cornerstones of most healthful diets, get even more boring as they get warm and limp. Of course, you can always make a nice stew or soup. See chapter 4 on Cooking.

Chapter 2: Shopping

If you try to go shopping in the week prior to the hurricane you can expect most items to be gone before you get there. However, in spite of the “we’re all in this together” attitude that we are so proud to display for the news cameras, it’s not unheard of for someone to take items they need from the cart of another shopper. Technically, it doesn’t belong to them until after they pay for it.

Shopping after the hurricane is a surreal experience if your corner market lost power for the days that you did. Think more like a dry goods store — lots of boxes and cans. Forget about fresh fruits, vegetables, meats, dairy. Well, let’s just say forget fresh ANYTHING. I’ve never seen so many empty shelves in a store that was actually open for business.

Chapter 3: WATER and ICE

“Water, water, everywhere and not a drop to drink.” Your street may now have a “No Wake Zone” sign posted at each end, but that doesn’t mean you have WATER. No, clearly there is a distinction between water and WATER. Sewers and septic tanks rely on water being able to drain down and away from your home. When the water level rises, so does your sewage level. Fortuitously, you can boil tap water for five minutes to make it safe to drink or to wash your hands. See chapter 4 on Cooking.

Spend a couple days in Florida in August or September with no refrigeration or air conditioning and schemes to tow icebergs down from the North Atlantic seem like really plausible money makers. ICE brings a whole new meaning to “limited shelf life”. Figure out a way to give a bag of ice the shelf life of a Twinkie and the world will beat a path to your door. (Be patient. Most of them are walking because you can’t pump gasoline without electricity either.)

Note: ICE will not keep frozen foods frozen. In a well-insulated cooler it will keep cold foods cool for a little while. Melted ICE may seem like a good source of WATER. Oddly, as logical as this seems, melted ice reclaimed from your cooler tends to taste more like water (see reference above to sewage) than WATER.

Chapter 4: Cooking

Oh, who are you kidding? Your kitchen is pretty much useless without electricity. Your grill may make delicious steaks, chops, burgers, or dogs, but it makes a lousy cup of coffee. If only you had kept that camping stove that you sold for $1.50 at the yard sale six years ago. Yeah, you’re laughing all the way to the bank on that deal.

A few pioneering souls purchased a generator and enough gasoline to run it for more than a few hours. A generator will provide enough electrical power to run a fan or coffe pot or Foreman grill. Many of them do not provide enough electrical power to run a fan and coffe pot and Foreman grill. It’s all about timing.

Note: We had a couple deaths in recent weeks because people ran a generator inside an attached garage or inside their home. I expect to see them nominated for the Darwin Awards (and they get my vote). But as a PSA, we’ll close with this. Most of us know we shouldn’t stay in the garage with the car engine running. Cars run on gasoline. Generators run on gasoline. Is it really such a leap of logic to figure out that we shouldn’t stay cooped up with a running generator either?

“Doctor?”
“What’s the Beef?”
“It looks like Mad Cow.”
The patient was lying on a Guernsey. “Looks like you got a Bum Steer,” I observed.
“Don’t give me that Bull,” he replied.
“So what are you Hereford?”
“Got Milk?”
“Heifer Pete’s sake, I’m a doctor. Don’t you see the Sheepskin?”
“What Cow College did you go to?”
“Charolais.”
“Charlie’s? Holy Cow!”
“No. Charolais. Besides, I’m pretty sure that would be a Brahman.”
“Well, I guess I stepped in that Cow Patty.”
“Don’t call me Patty. Tell me how you Veal.”
“Gee, you’re Bossie. I feel so fine.”
“More like Bovine, it seems to me.”
“You’re not Calf as funny as you think you are.”
“Don’t have a Cow, man.”
“Maybe I’d better book.”
“Leather-bound?”
“I’m not sure where I’m bound, but I’m not trying to Hide.”
“And you’re not running from the Longhorn of the law?”
“No. I made Baal. I’m gonna Hoof-n-Mouth off.”
“There’s no need to get Angus.”
“Hey, let go. You Toro my Jersey.”
“Sorry. I didn’t want you to start a Stampede. And I haven’t given you my bill.”
“I’m sure you’re going to Milk this for all it’s worth.”
“Bullseye. You owe me a Buffalo Nickel.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever Herd.”

We mark the passing of time in relation to significant events. With the weather we’ve had in Florida recently I find myself referring to the Wednesday after Charley or the Friday before Frances. There is a generation that speaks of where they were when they learned President Kennedy had died, another the day of the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster or, more happily, the fall of the Berlin wall. Today we live in a post-9/11 world.

I’ve seen the videotape of the planes crashing into the towers and their subsequent collapse many times. Had that played out in a Hollywood movie, I would have thought that the filmmakers stretched credibility a bit too far. I still have difficulty reconciling the images with reality. I don’t understand that level of hatred. And I mark that day as one on which my world changed completely.

On the same day, Emma was born. Emma is the daughter of friends of mine and we celebrated her third birthday today. She’s a bright and beautiful child. I don’t know what her world will be like or what events she will use to mark time. I know that terror seems tempered by the hope and promise in children’s eyes. I know that my world is better with my friends in it and brighter with Emma in it. And I know that each time we welcome a child into the world, our world changes completely.

Note: This is being transcribed from my notebook a day after it was actually written.

I went to see a movie this afternoon. More often than not these days I will watch a movie after it comes out on DVD. (I’m disappointed when they don’t include a lot of extras and behind the scenes features.) But I had done a couple hours of yard work. I still had no electricity. It was about to rain again. I needed some entertainment and a couple hours of air conditioning.

So I went to see Garden State. Let me get the worst part of the experience out of the way first: Some idiot in the row behind me was talking on his cell phone right in the middle of the movie! I gave him “the glare” and he shut up. But I really couldn’t believe it. (This never happens when I’m watching a DVD in my living room which is one reason I don’t go to the theaters very often any more.) It took me a few minutes to get back into the film. That’s one drawback to being a pacifist. You can’t act on the impulse to get up and slug the guy….

Anyway, it’s a very good film. Kind of quirky. Parts are laugh-out-loud hilarious. And, of course, there’s Natalie Portman. Whatever “IT” is that seems to shine in some people, she’s got a ton of it. And it comes through on film. Watching her makes me wish I were about 25 years old again. (I’d still make all the same mistakes, I suppose, but I would try to enjoy them more.)

So now I’m back home. It rained while I was in the theater and it’s looking like it’s about to again. Schools will be closed again tomorrow. I don’t really want more days to make up, but I really hope I have a few hours of electricity before I have to go back to work. Is that selfish of me? So it’s back to the patio with the radio for now. And there’s more work to do in the yard tomorrow, weather permitting. And before long, we may be bracing for Ivan.

Note: This is being transcribed from my notebook a couple days after it was actually written.

There have been several days in the last few weeks that I’ve spent with a transistor radio. Usually I would have either the stereo or the TV on (occasionally both) and often I would be working on the computer at the same time. But these are not usual times. I will read and write during daylight hours, but don’t really enjoy either by candle light or flashlight.

I grew up before the era of VCRs and I remember when we got an independent TV channel in addition to the three big network affiliates and PBS. I spent a lot more time listening to the radio back then.

This month I was (forcibly) returned to thsoe days of channel-surfing. Back to the days before I had cable TV and a couple remote controls. Way before surfing the ‘net. Those advances make surfing faster and easier, but I’ve always been a channel-surfer even when it meant holding the radio and turning the knob. Which is just what I’ve been doing again.

From the left side of the dial to the right and back again I spin through jazz, classical, R&B, blues, bluegrass, country, rock, soft rock, classic rock, pop, and more. (I have fairly wide-ranging tastes in music, but there are a few channels I nearly always skip. And I’ve never been a big fan of talk radio so I usually skip those too.) This activity alone puts me in a nostalgic frame of mind.

As I hear songs from the last few decades I am often transported back in time. I recall the faces and places I would have seen then. (Somewhat disturbingly, I frequently recall images from the videos of more recent songs. Just whose memories are these anyway?)

I enjoy the tunes, but I’ve always appreciated a good lyric. That turn of phrase that instantly pulss me into the song. The distillation of a moment in time and all the associated complex emotions into three verses and a chorus (or less).

So on these nights, I’ve let the darkness wrap around me. I bring the three inch speaker close to my ear. I keep my fingers poised over the tuning knob. I listen and remember good times and bad. I slide between generations and genres. Sometimes I’m back to being a kid with a single AM station. Sometimes I’m in high school or college discovering new frontiers beyond my back yard and learning new ways to love. (Some lessons took better than others, but that’s another story.) Sometimes I’m a young adult building a new life of my own. I’m old and young and ageless and timeless. For a little while, there’s just the music. The storms and destruction and discomfort are in some other world. One I’ll get back to… right after a few more songs.

Note: This is being transcribed from my notebook a couple days after it was actually written.

It’s Labor Day afternoon. My electricity has been out for about 36 hours so far. Frances has been like some of our other tourists — moving very slowly, tying up traffic, and generally pissing off the locals. (In fairness, most of our tourists cause far less damage.) The only thing I’ve seen move more slowly is a student on the way to the discipline office.

I went out briefly this morning. Krispy Kreme was about the only thing open so I had fresh, warm donuts and hot coffee. We are in our third day of rain. Being cooped up in the house gets pretty boring. As the outer bands have continued to cross the area they bring tropical storm force winds and rain and spawn tornadoes.

I’ve written three letters this afternoon to friends that I don’t have email addresses for and have been out of touch with. Until Charley knocked out my power three weeks ago, I don’t remember the last time I sat down to write a letter. Virtually all of my long distance communication the last few years has been by computer and occasional telephone calls.

We’re in a period of relative calm right now so I’m sitting on the patio with the dogs in the back yard. Schools in Orange County (and all the surrounding counties) will remain closed at least through tomorrow — the ninth day of closure in our first month of this school year.

Now Ivan is headed in this general direction. It’s still about a week or so from here, if he really hits us at all. That’s certainly possible, just too far out to really know.

I’ll be really surprised if I get my electricity back any earlier than tomorrow and it could be several days again. The repair crews are out today, but they have to assess damage first. They also have to work around the continuing bad weather and my little neighborhood is nt a high prioroty. So I’m expecting another night in the dark with my transistor radio. I’ve been told before that I look good in the dark, but that’s another story.

Yahoo! Every news broadcast has one (or more) of their reporters in an area that is under mandatory evacuation orders standing in the wind and rain. I don’t need (or want) to see a person standing in an evacuated area to understand that it is dangerous to be there. I suppose putting a person in harm’s way is considered good TV. I change the channel.

Yahoo! When those reporters see someone defying the evacuation order, they stick the microphone and camera in front of them. “Step right up. Get your 15 minutes of fame here!” Hey, positive reinforcement works. Treat them as though it is okay for them to be there; make them local heroes. They’ll keep coming. I change the channel.

Yahoo! After Hurricane Charley, I saw video of people in Tampa. That’s where early forecasts indicated the eye would come ashore. But it took a little sharper turn to the east and hit Punta Gorda, south of Tampa. These people had stayed in their homes defying the evacuation order. They actually said (and the station actually broadcast), “See? We were right. It missed us!” Lucky and right are not the same thing. I change the channel.

Yahoo! Hurricane Frances is hitting us as I write this. Nearly every station has preempted regular broadcasting for hurricane coverage. I watch for a while. Especially now that Frances has slowed so much, the news doesn’t change much hour to hour. Landfall will be later than expected. The winds are weaker than two days ago, but still in the Category 2 stage. Tropical storm force winds extend hundreds of miles. We are likely to get 20 inches or more of rain — the slower she goes, the longer she can dump on us. And then they cut to their reporter, “Standing by in…” somewhere on the coast. I change the channel.

Yahoo! The generally accepted first appearance of the word “yahoo” is in Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift. It refers to a race of creatures that “are portrayed as being bestial, uncultivated, violent and loutish brutes.” I change the channel….

Schools are closed again tomorrow as Frances draws closer. The last I heard, she has slowed down. If Charley had a saving grace, it was that he moved quickly across the state. We had a lot of wind damage, but not really much rain. Frances is not only moving slower, she is much bigger and stronger. So even if the eye does not pass right over us, we will still have very strong winds and several inches of rain. Flooding is a real possibility in addition to the likelihood of more wind damage.

Hurricane Charley hit Florida at Punta Gorda on the Gulf coast on Friday the 13th in August 2004.

Click on the image to see a larger version.

Just a couple weeks after Charley barreled through Central Florida, Frances (bigger and badder) has us in its sites. Seems as good a time as any to finally try starting a blog.