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I read an article recently warning us about the lack of privacy in our electronic communications, especially at work. The article was partly an explanation of the technology we use and partly a discussion of romance in the workplace. Whether we flirt with a coworker or with someone off-site, we take a big risk doing either on a corporate network.

I’m not a proponent of workplace romance anyway (especially since the dragon lady, but that’s a story for another day). But we need to be aware that on corporate networks all of our communication (email, instant messages, web access, etc.) is monitored and logged. Copies of every email message you send and receive are stored and can be subpoenaed or used to justify termination of employment.

Granted, your IT department should have much more pressing work than to watch where you’re surfing, who you’re chatting with, or what you’re emailing. But the fact remains that they CAN do all of that and more. It’s much better to keep your personal communication off the office computers completely.

What really threw me though was an almost offhand reference to a column by sexologist Ian Kerner. He states:

If you find yourself in a situation of jeopardy, either after work or at a convention, or wherever, and things are heating up and you’re really lusting, go to the bathroom and splash cold water on your face, and remind yourself that you’re on the verge of potentially ruining your personal life AND your professional life. It won’t help. The call of new sex is too strong. So go in a stall and masturbate. Relieve the sexual tension. Get it all out. This will buy you about a half hour of sanity — when there’s opportunity for new fresh sex, our refractory period (the interval between erections) is at its briefest — so use this tiny window of opportunity to get the hell out of dodge.

WHAT?! Do we have such poor impulse control that we have to sneak off to a bathroom stall? Get a grip… but wait till you get home for chrissake. If your boss is gonna get in a tizzy over personal email, I can’t imagine he or she will look less kindly on using company time to explore the sound of one hand clapping. At least now I know why every bathroom has those signs, “Employees must wash hands….”