otoh

I walked by the water,
a gentle breeze washed waves on the shore.
“Sshhh,” I thought they said.
So I was quiet.
And walked.
I suddenly realized.
They whisper your name.

Technorati tags: blog~personal~otoh~poetry

Every time I pass a FortuneTeller/Psychic/CardReader I think the same thing. And if you happen to be with me at the time I probably say this to you. “You know, if I ever walked into one of those places and they didn’t immediately say, ‘Hi Tim, I was expecting you.’, I would turn around and walk right out.”

And that would probably remind me of the old joke about the psychic midget that escaped from prison. The headlines read, “Small Medium at Large.” And I would probably tell you that too. Y’all should be glad you don’t really hang out with me. You’d hear crap like this all the time….

Technorati tags: blog~personal~otoh

Photos today are courtesy of my brother, John. Marco Island is in south Florida on the Gulf coast.

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I’ve always loved light bulb jokes. You know, “How many _____ does it take to change a light bulb?” (I’ve always loved elephant jokes too, but that will have to be another post.)

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
How many teenagers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

I don’t remember who sent me this, but it’s worth a look for a chuckle: Changing a Light Bulb the Christian Way.

Answers:
psychologists = only one, but the light bulb has to want to change
teenagers = only one, they hold the bulb and the universe revolves around them
teamsters = TEN, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
country singers = two, one to change the bulb and one to sing about all the good times we had with the old bulb
philosophers = three, one to curse the darkness, one to light a candle, and one to change the bulb
computer programmers = can’t be done, that’s a hardware problem

Technorati tags: blog~personal~otoh~humor

I say more and more often, “If I only knew then what I know now….” I haven’t found a way to get that message back in time to the old me. (I would probably make more mistakes and make them earlier and more often, but that’s a topic for another day). I have found a way to send a message into the future. Enter your message, email address, and some future date into FutureMe and they will deliver the email to that future you. They promise not to use your email address for anything other than sending your message. And, of course, you should use an address you have a reasonable expectation of still having when you want it delivered. (If you create an account, you can change the address later.) Your messages can be marked public or private. You can read some of the public messages here. I’ve sent one message to myself so far, to be delivered one year from today. What did it say? Ah, dear blog, there are some things I don’t tell you….

Technorati tags: blog~personal~otoh

I wrote recently about some disturbing facts. The people being attacked are our children, our siblings, our significant others/spouses, our parents. These are people we love and an attack on them affects us too. But until it happens we don’t know how we will respond. It’s easy enough to find out how we should respond. The following suggestions are from WebMD:

• Believe the person.
• Reassure the survivor that you love them, that their feelings are normal, and that you know the assault was not their fault.
• Encourage the survivor to make their own decisions and support them whether or not you agree. This helps lessen their feelings of powerlessness and strengthens their ability to regain a sense of control over their lives.
• Don’t underestimate their pain.
• Encourage, but don’t force, talk. Don’t probe for details. Be patient and ready to listen.
• Validate their feelings and behavior. Reassure them that only they could know what to do in the situation and that their reactions were appropriate. Whatever they did to survive the assault was the right thing to do.
• Show affection, but understand that the survivor may avoid physical contact. Again, be patient and understanding and don’t take any physical withdrawal personally.
• Make sure they understand the importance of getting medical attention. Also insure that a supportive friend or relative and a rape crisis advocate are with them during medical and legal proceedings.
• Respect their confidentiality.
• Take care of yourself. Whatever your relationship to the survivor, it is natural for those around them to experience their own reactions to the trauma. Confidential counseling and support is available for you as well.

Yet still we get reactions like this:

Anonymous said…
How about your mother telling you that you’ve ruined any possibility of her enjoying your wedding because you were “slutting around” (even though you still have the broken ribs and black eye at the time of the comment. . .) and have your father not look at you in the eye for over a decade. . .

The person that wrote this described her attack in her blog. It was difficult for me to even read it. I am amazed that someone can survive such violence and grow into such a loving, caring adult. I haven’t asked her, but I imagine that such a reaction from one’s parents could be more devastating in some ways than the attack. How can we treat the people we love this way? But I don’t know them so it is not fair for me to judge them.

When violence touches your life, and unfortunately it likely will, get help.

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Fair warning: The content of this post is disturbing and the content of the links contains language that some readers may find objectionable.

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network the statisitcs on sexual asault are staggering.

• In 2002-2003, there were an average of 223,280 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault.
• Only about 40% of rapes sexual assaults were reported to law enforcement in 2003.
• One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape).
• A total of 17.7 million women have been victims of these crimes.
• In 2003, nine out of every ten rape victims were female.
• 15% of victims are under age 12
• 29% are age 12-17
• 44% are under age 18
• 80% are under age 30

Given these numbers, you probably know vicitms of sexual assault, incest, or rape. And while it is a life-altering experience (victims often suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) you most likely DO NOT know who those victims are. It’s not something that comes up in casual conversation.

Correct me if I’m wrong: This is the 21st century, right? I ran across a discussion thread recently that has me feeling like I fell through a timewarp. Haven’t we moved beyond blaming the victims of rape for bringing it on themselves or arguing that it is a male biological imperative to attack a woman? Apparently not. Some of the comments leave me shaking my head in dismay and at times, in spite of being a non-violent person, wanting to give some of these guys a severe beating.

Some of the worst offenders are the commenters to this post at Pandagon. And there are also some in this section of feministe. There is a really interesting rebuttal to this attitude at This Space For Rent. Today I’m wondering, why do we do these things to ourselves?

Technorati tags: blog~personal~otoh~rant