otoh

I wrote recently about some disturbing facts. The people being attacked are our children, our siblings, our significant others/spouses, our parents. These are people we love and an attack on them affects us too. But until it happens we don’t know how we will respond. It’s easy enough to find out how we should respond. The following suggestions are from WebMD:

• Believe the person.
• Reassure the survivor that you love them, that their feelings are normal, and that you know the assault was not their fault.
• Encourage the survivor to make their own decisions and support them whether or not you agree. This helps lessen their feelings of powerlessness and strengthens their ability to regain a sense of control over their lives.
• Don’t underestimate their pain.
• Encourage, but don’t force, talk. Don’t probe for details. Be patient and ready to listen.
• Validate their feelings and behavior. Reassure them that only they could know what to do in the situation and that their reactions were appropriate. Whatever they did to survive the assault was the right thing to do.
• Show affection, but understand that the survivor may avoid physical contact. Again, be patient and understanding and don’t take any physical withdrawal personally.
• Make sure they understand the importance of getting medical attention. Also insure that a supportive friend or relative and a rape crisis advocate are with them during medical and legal proceedings.
• Respect their confidentiality.
• Take care of yourself. Whatever your relationship to the survivor, it is natural for those around them to experience their own reactions to the trauma. Confidential counseling and support is available for you as well.

Yet still we get reactions like this:

Anonymous said…
How about your mother telling you that you’ve ruined any possibility of her enjoying your wedding because you were “slutting around” (even though you still have the broken ribs and black eye at the time of the comment. . .) and have your father not look at you in the eye for over a decade. . .

The person that wrote this described her attack in her blog. It was difficult for me to even read it. I am amazed that someone can survive such violence and grow into such a loving, caring adult. I haven’t asked her, but I imagine that such a reaction from one’s parents could be more devastating in some ways than the attack. How can we treat the people we love this way? But I don’t know them so it is not fair for me to judge them.

When violence touches your life, and unfortunately it likely will, get help.

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