otoh

Taoist philosophy appeals to me. (Kindly note that I have only an elementary understanding of Taoism and the following is comprised of a lot of paraphrasing of what I think I understand so far.) Live in the moment. Accept that life naturally includes both bad and good (yin and yang). Behave completely naturally and in tune with the natural order of the universe. There is value in inaction (restraint, patience, silence). There is value in nothingness (frugality, simplicity).

We know that we will have both success and failure in our lives. I am in the uncomfortable position of knowing that I will experience one or the other within the week. I am a candidate for National Board Certification. I have spent several months over the last three years documenting my teaching practices. Scores are scheduled to be released on Friday.

If I get certified, there will be a nice cash bonus. It offers some prestige and would help with securing another teaching job if I decide to leave my current employer. If I’m not certified, I’ll be disappointed but my professional life won’t really be affected. My job does not depend on this. I’m still certified to teach in Florida for four more years. (That certificate is easily renewed every five years.) But, I wouldn’t be able to apply for National Board Certification again for ten years.

I could be worrying myself to distraction in anticipation of finding out which it will be. I am trying to put those thoughts out of my head. I have to live in the now and not worry about the future. Still, it creeps in sometimes. I rather wish that I didn’t know that scores are about to be released. Anticipation is a bitch.

It helps a little that this is a very busy week anyway. In addition to all the usual stuff, progress report grades are due, I have a department-head meeting and a department meeting, I’ve been volunteered to format a report for an accreditation committee, and I’m helping with the school production of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. All that leaves me little time to worry about what might happen. Still, it creeps in sometimes.

Someone once told me (and I have repeated many times), “I can prove that worry works because most of the things I worry about never happen.” That’s not a very Taoist attitude. Still, it creeps in sometimes.

Technorati tags: blog~personal~otoh