otoh

Today (1 June) is the official start of hurricane season. Most of this post was published when this blog was shiny and new (and mostly unread). Oh, and we had just weathered multiple hurricanes, loss of electrical power, boil-water alerts, extensive property damage, school and business closures, dwindling home-repair supplies, gas stations that were either out of gas or had no electricity to run the pumps, and grocery stores that had to throw away all of their (un)refrigerated and (un)frozen foods and were quickly selling out of what was left. Temperatures were in the 90s while patience and morale were in the crapper. So my friend Bev and I started writing The Hurricane Diet Book:

Chapter 1: Preparation

The key to eating in the days following a hurricane is preparation. You want food that doesn’t require any. Food that doesn’t require refrigeration is good too. And if you keep your freezer well-stocked, I hope you’re hungry. You’re going to be eating a LOT of it in a day or two — or throwing it away.

Chips, cookies, and snack cakes make excellent choices for the Hurricane Diet, assuming you already had them in your pantry. If you note that these foods are generally considered fattening consider these two caveats. 1. You’ll be wanting comfort food and nothing says comfort like Twinkies. 2. You’ll be sweating off the calories anyway.

Fresh fruits and vegetables, the cornerstones of most healthful diets, get even more boring as they get warm and limp. Of course, you can always make a nice stew or soup. See chapter 4 on Cooking.

Chapter 2: Shopping

If you try to go shopping in the week prior to the hurricane you can expect most items to be gone before you get there. However, in spite of the “we’re all in this together” attitude that we are so proud to display for the news cameras, it’s not unheard of for someone to take items they need from the cart of another shopper. Technically, it doesn’t belong to them until after they pay for it.

Shopping after the hurricane is a surreal experience if your corner market lost power for the days that you did. Think more like a dry goods store — lots of boxes and cans. Forget about fresh fruits, vegetables, meats, dairy. Well, let’s just say forget fresh ANYTHING. I’ve never seen so many empty shelves in a store that was actually open for business.

Chapter 3: WATER and ICE

“Water, water, everywhere and not a drop to drink.” Your street may now have a “No Wake Zone” sign posted at each end, but that doesn’t mean you have WATER. No, clearly there is a distinction between water and WATER. Sewers and septic tanks rely on water being able to drain down and away from your home. When the water level rises, so does your sewage level. Fortuitously, you can boil tap water for five minutes to make it safe to drink or to wash your hands. See chapter 4 on Cooking.

Spend a couple days in Florida in August or September with no refrigeration or air conditioning and schemes to tow icebergs down from the North Atlantic seem like really plausible money makers. ICE brings a whole new meaning to “limited shelf life”. Figure out a way to give a bag of ice the shelf life of a Twinkie and the world will beat a path to your door. (Be patient. Most of them are walking because you can’t pump gasoline without electricity either.)

Note: ICE will not keep frozen foods frozen. In a well-insulated cooler it will keep cold foods cool for a little while. Melted ICE may seem like a good source of WATER. Oddly, as logical as this seems, melted ice reclaimed from your cooler tends to taste more like water (see reference above to sewage) than WATER.

Chapter 4: Cooking

Oh, who are you kidding? Your kitchen is pretty much useless without electricity. Your grill may make delicious steaks, chops, burgers, or dogs, but it makes a lousy cup of coffee. If only you had kept that camping stove that you sold for $1.50 at the yard sale six years ago. Yeah, you’re laughing all the way to the bank on that deal.

A few pioneering souls purchased a generator and enough gasoline to run it for more than a few hours. A generator will provide enough electrical power to run a fan or coffe pot or Foreman grill. Many of them do not provide enough electrical power to run a fan and coffe pot and Foreman grill. It’s all about timing.

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