otoh

A couple months ago, around the end of last school year, a classmate in my Tai Chi class said something like, “I’m trying to understand the cycles you go through as a teacher. In the fall there’s all the excitement of the new year, kids running around lost and stressed. Then you kind of settle into a routine. But before you know it, it’s the end of the year. Some of them are leaving and you might never know what happens to them, what they make of themselves or how much influence you had on them….”

That pretty much nailed it. “Sounds to me like you understand it very well,” I told her.

Then she asked which part is more difficult for me. Hmmm, it’s all difficult, but it’s what I do. (Sometimes I even like to think I do it well.) But I said, “The beginning of the year is more physically exhausting, but the end of the year is more emotionally draining.”

My students return in one week. (We’ll be starting later next year, but that’s another story.) I’m entering that physically exhausting phase. I’ll be resetting my internal clock — leaving for work around 6:00 am instead of staying up till the wee hours and sleeping till the crack of noon. I’ll be reconnecting with some colleagues, meeting some new ones, and missing some that have retired or relocated. I’m anxious, looking forward to the possibilities — there is endless potential with a new group of students.

Already there are challenges. One department member decided just last week to take an early retirement. (Interviewing and hiring are not my responsibility, thank god.) We’ll almost certainly have to start the year with a substitute teacher in that position though. All the elective areas have it more difficult now with so much emphasis on NCLB testing. Anything that alters the integrity of my department makes me nervous these days.

I know that I won’t get to do everything that I want to do. Even with being on campus 9 or 10 hours a day and doing some work at home there will be some demands on my time that I can’t meet, some projects that I have to drop, some duties that I’ll wish I could perform better. But it is also that dissatisfaction, in part, that keeps me coming back. I am often frustrated, but never bored. And for the next couple weeks at least I’ll be really tired….

All my life’s a circle;
Sunrise and sundown;
Moon rolls thru the nighttime;
Till the daybreak comes around.

All my life’s a circle;
But I can’t tell you why;
Season’s spinning round again;
The years keep rollin’ by.

It seems like I’ve been here before;
I can’t remember when;
But I have this funny feeling;
That we’ll all be together again.
No straight lines make up my life;
And all my roads have bends;
There’s no clear-cut beginnings;
And so far no dead-ends.

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