otoh

The fact that it was a Halloween party isn’t particularly relevant. We were all drinking. Most of us were under age. Which, I suppose, isn’t really relevant either except that we were young and stupid. Okay, the only relevant point so far is that I was young and stupid.

We rented a local community center. At some point in the evening a few people wended through the large main room looking like a short conga line but with a more shuffling gait. “Choo choo choo,” and then they were gone. A few minutes later they came through again. “Choo choo choo.” Like a train. And out they went again.

The next time they came through I noticed that Lu was leading the train. She and I had dated a little. Did she purposely lead the train to me? [Hmmm...?] Following her were a guy and another girl that I didn’t know. But the girl grabbed my arm and she was cute so with my hands on her hips I joined the train.

We shuffled into a small room down the hall where the only light spilled in through the open door and the train stopped. Lu turned around to face the guy behind her. “Choo choo choo.” and they kissed — a big, sloppy, tongues-down-the-throat kiss. Ah, it was “Chew chew chew”! And then the guy turned to the girl behind him (the cute one in front of me!). “Chew chew chew,” and they kissed. And she turned to me. “Chew chew chew,” and I leaned in and she slapped me.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…….

Technorati tags: Turning Tricks~blog~personal~otoh

Lily Thomlin said, “I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.” We always ask kids, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” If the kids only knew… most of us are still trying to figure it out too. We’re trying to get ideas.

And now Halloween is upon us. And we have to be someone (or something) else. Some of us have spent the last couple weeks or so searching for a costume. We shop online and in thrift stores. We ask for ideas on our blogs. Hey, kid, what are you going to be for Halloween?

I like Halloween. But over the years I’ve been all over the place on costumes from none at all to one that took me weeks to build. I’ve done the punny things — one year I was a Toxic Waste, another I was Art… but I was framed. This year I spent about 15 minutes updating an old costume. Maybe next year I’ll do something more elaborate. Or not.

Halloween humor: This guy was invited to a costume party and the hosts wanted a theme [don't you hate that?] of emotions. He considered dressing all in red (anger) or all in green (envy). Then one day he was inspired in the produce section of the grocery store of all places. He showed up at the party wearing nothing but a certain piece of fruit between his legs. To his mortified hosts he proclaimed, “Hey, I’m fucking despair.”

Technorati tags: To Be, Or Not~blog~personal~otoh

We went from record high temperatures over the weekend to record low temperatures the last couple days. But, it’s better than facing another hurricane.

Is the weather a metaphor for life? Mark Twain said, “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” We have highs and lows, but nobody does anything about it.

Some days I got too much. Some days, I got nothin’. But, it’s better than facing another hurricane.

Technorati tags: The Weather~blog~personal~otoh~sydca

Oh, wait… Wrong Rent. My parents were in town for the weekend. It just seemed longer.

Yes, I am a terrible son. I’ve never exactly been a black sheep, but I seem to do something to piss off my family pretty regularly. Some minor irritations (like growing a beard or getting my ear pierced) some major disappointments (like moving 900 miles away from home or moving in with a girlfriend). I wonder how they’d react to the stuff I’ve never told them like…[hey, I gotta have some secrets].

By coincidence, Winter Park’s Concours D’Elegance was on Sunday and we spent some time wandering around looking at shiny objects. Then we took a Scenic Boat Tour and I learned a couple things about my adopted home. I knew that there are canals linking some of the lakes. I didn’t know they were originally built by loggers to make it easier to get cypress logs to a local sawmill. And we saw several ridiculously large and expensive homes. (But someday, this teaching thing is going to really pay off and then….)

• 60 x 24 x 365 = 525,600 minutes in one year
• 60 x 24 x 366 = 527,040 minutes in one leap year
• 1 year = 525,948.766 minutes according to Google Calculator because 1 year = 365.242199 days

Technorati tags: Five Hundred Twenty Five Thousand….~blog~personal~otoh~sydca

Thanks to everyone that played. I expected numbers 3 and 4 to be the easiest, but I wouldn’t have guessed that no one knew number 6. Here are all the answers along with some comments.

1. [holding up a stiff brown lump] Well, you forgot, and now Jelly’s dead. (2004) Garden State This movie was in theaters during the killer hurricane season two years ago. I was without electricity when I went to see it and I really wanted a couple hours of air conditioning as much as anything. But I like the movie a lot (and not just because I’m infatuated with Natalie Portman).
2. His mind now has been completely distracted from his original thought: “Eat the man in the white pants.” (1997) Fast, Cheap & Out of Control This is admittedly more obscure and bizarre than any of the other movies on this list. A documentary that weaves together a lion tamer (hence the quote), a topiary gardner, naked mole rats, and robotics design seems beyond imagination (and sensibility). I found it really fascinating. [I'm weird that way.]
3. …rejection kills. Disappointment only maims. (1996) The Truth About Cats & Dogs Although I like this movie, I found it a little heavy-handed at times. But this quote redeemed the whole thing for me.
4. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. (1987) The Princess Bride Pirates, a giant person, giant swamp rats, sword-fights, revenge, death… finally a love story that even a kid (like me) can enjoy! And an inconceivable running gag to boot!
5. It’s not the years, honey, it’s the mileage. (1981) Raiders of the Lost Ark When Indy is dragged under and then out behind a moving truck, it’s a tribute to Yakima Canutt’s similar famous stunt in John Ford’s Stagecoach (1939). And this quote follows his reunion with Marion who says, “You’re not the man I knew ten years ago.”
6. Non! (1976) Silent Movie There are reasons why this Mel Brooks film is not as popular as some of his others, but I appreciate the irony of the only spoken word in the film being by Marcel Marceau, famous for his skills at pantomime. And I appreciate the risk of releasing a silent film in the 70’s almost as much as the risk of releasing a black and white film which leads us to…
7. Put… the candle… back! (1974) Young Frankenstein When I was growing up, the old horror flicks were on TV all the time. This was a wonderful sendup of the genre and I think it holds up well enough that I still enjoy watching it occasionally. [And to me, this was much funnier than the "knockers" quote that most people pick.]
8. I’ve never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it’s MOST unusual. (1953) Roman Holiday According to IMDB trivia, this was “Shot in black and white so that the characters wouldn’t be upstaged by the romantic setting of Rome.” It’s hard to imagine anything upstaging Audrey Hepburn.
9. I never dreamed that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating! (1951) The African Queen Humphrey Bogart won his only Oscar for this film. Katherine Hepburn did not win one of her four Oscars for this film, but she did have the best line in it.
10. Strange, and I thought you were an Aryan.
    No. I’m a vegetarian (1940) The Great Dictator If all you know about Charlie Chaplin is that he played a little tramp, you need to watch this movie. And remember that it was made and released while Hitler was rising to power.

Technorati tags: The Envelope, Please~blog~personal~otoh

This week is homecoming* and we have “spirit activities” every day. Today was Toga Day — an activity feared and often banned due to the glaring lack of both modesty and judgment by some students. I suppose that’s part of what makes it so popular with the students. But our kids handled it fairly well for the most part.

Before school one of my students asked me what “Et tu” means. I explained (since I happen to actually know the answer) that it is usually translated as “you also” and, (maybe showing off just a little) because it had recently been on my mind explained further that “et” is also used in “et cetera” (and the others). [Within the context of my job, having a teenager wearing a makeshift bedsheet toga ask me that question was perfectly normal and rational. But as I write it here... not so much.]

I showed remarkable restraint (I think) in refraining ALL DAY (until now) from saying to anyone, “Did you know that Shakespeare wrote a sequel to ‘Julius Caeser’? It’s called ‘Et II’.” I rarely tell that joke any more because too many people don’t get it and those who do usually don’t think it’s very funny. Writing it just makes it look more like a Spielberg sequel than Shakespeare. But now it’s out of my system at least until sometime around the middle of March….

*Even when I was in high school and not yet as jaded and cynical as I am now, I found homecoming a completely pointless co-opting of the college tradition since we don’t, in fact, invite the graduates back. That did not stop me from going to football games, helping build floats, or wearing even more ridiculous attire than usual to school.

Technorati tags: And More Pointless Rambling~blog~personal~otoh

My post about the movie Annie Hall and all the great quotes reminded me of the movie quote game that Becky often plays (and plays much better than I do). [BTW, it is harder to appreciate Annie Hall now. Hollywood does copying things to death much better than it does revolutionary.]

Listed below are quotes from 10 films that I like a lot and the year the film was released. Some of them are more obscure than others. Oddly, I was able to recall more quotes from films in the 80s than from any other era. Were the movies better then? I don’t know, but I did probably watch more of them. So I cheated a little in creating this list.

1. [holding up a stiff brown lump] Well, you forgot, and now Jelly’s dead. (2004)
2. His mind now has been completely distracted from his original thought: “Eat the man in the white pants.” (1997)
3. …rejection kills. Disappointment only maims. (1996)
4. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. (1987)
5. It’s not the years, honey, it’s the mileage. (1981)
6. Non! (1976)
7. Put… the candle… back! (1974)
8. I’ve never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it’s MOST unusual. (1953)
9. I never dreamed that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating! (1951)
10. Strange, and I thought you were an Aryan.
    No. I’m a vegetarian (1940)

Technorati tags: Favorite Movie Quotes~blog~personal~otoh

Everything I write on this site is fiction. That doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

The Start of Another Post:
I started writing this part a week ago and didn’t finish it.

Last week [now week before last] was sandwiched between two social activities for me. The first I really didn’t want to attend, but caved in to repeated requests spread over the last few months. I was pissed at myself for giving in. And the reason for the “party”

I Told You it Wasn’t Finished

Well-Heeled:
October is often a difficult month for me. That and the “party” put me in really bad spirits. I know to stay away from people when that happens. (Remember I said I’ve been hiding?) Obviously, I don’t know to keep away from posting on my blog. So the little bit of posting that I did was pretty crappy. I hope I didn’t leave nasty comments anywhere (other than here, I mean).

Awareness of a problem is a necessary first step to solving the problem. Awareness of a problem is not a solution in itself. I knew I was in a bad mood. That didn’t get me out of the bad mood.

There was a panhandler outside the 7-11 where I stopped for coffee. I don’t always give money to panhandlers, but I do prefer to keep my charity close to home and that’s an easy way to do so.

But that morning I said, “Not today.” And I continued on my way to work. That night I had a little bit of time to get online. I started to write the post above and shelved it. Then I read some of your blogs including this one from Heather Anne Hogan. She wrote, in part, “I am compelled to bind up the broken hearted.”

That day, I was compelled to get in my car and drive away. I felt like a heel. I was in a bad place and I knew it. Awareness of a problem is a necessary first step to solving the problem. Awareness of a problem is not a solution in itself.

Brother Can You Paradigm?:
I’m cynical. About a lot of things. Yet deep down, I think that our world can get better. I think I can help make our world better. My choice of profession as a teacher is one way I express that belief. (Trust me, it gets harder every day to do it just for the money.)

But at my most hopeful and idealistic (however long ago that was) I think I always believed there would be some situations beyond my control. But just because I can’t help everyone is no excuse for not helping the person right in front of me. And then for no reason other than I was in a crappy mood, I didn’t help that person. And the universe wasn’t going to let me off that easily.

But having the universe point out to me what a self-absorbed heel I am does surprisingly little to jolt me out of my funk. Maybe I’ll hide a little longer. And I’ll take comfort in the fact that the same world that holds an old cynic like me also has people like Heather, whose greatest fear is meeting someone she can’t help.

The Week in Review:
We are one-fourth of the way through the school year. Getting things graded and recorded pretty much eliminated my on-line time for the last week or so. (And I’ve been hiding.)

Our principal announced that he has decided to take a job at the county office. He has been at our school for only a year and a quarter. No one at a school is indispensable, but frequent changes in administration (or faculty) can have detrimental effects.

The longest I have been at one school is eight years. There were four different principals during those years and that was one of the reasons I left. This is my fifth year at my current school. That’s almost as long as some of my seniors [bah-DUM-bum]. Whoever our new principal is, I hope they stay in the position for at least a few years. (I’m assuming, of course, that they aren’t a jerk and they do a good job. Otherwise they can hit the bricks.) I don’t begrudge them their ambitions, but we need a strong leader and some stability right now.

The Holiday That Wasn’t:
The students were in school only through Wednesday this week. Thursday was a workday for us to get our grades turned in. I finished that and spent a couple very frustrating hours trying unsuccessfully to get some software reinstalled. Friday was a “holiday”. But not really.

Most of the state associations have their annual conferences this weekend. So the Friday at the end of the first quarter used to be a professional day on our calendar. We could either attend one of the conferences or work at school. And then, a few years ago, our local teacher’s association announced (with banner headlines and blaring trumpets as I recall) that they negotiated another paid holiday for us.

Um, yeah, the holiday is the Friday at the end of the first quarter. So now when I attend my FTEA conference I go on a holiday instead of a professional day. Please, stop doing me favors.

I planned to go again this year even though the conference is at a hotel in a heavily tourist-oriented area of town that I avoid as much as possible. (And even though I’m giving up a holiday to go, dammit.) And then I woke up Friday morning. And thought about driving across town to be amidst the tourons. [tourist + moron = touron] And I didn’t. I didn’t get up early. I didn’t go to the conference. I didn’t do much of anything all freakin day. I took back my holiday. And pissed it away.

Technorati tags: Ripped From the Headlines~blog~personal~otoh

Get ready to say “Eeeewwhhhhh!” or stop reading now.

The crudest thing I’ve ever heard my father say (in reference to a comment about his weight): “You can’t drive a railroad spike with a tack hammer.”

The crudest joke ever told to me by a woman: “What will a man eat on a pizza that he won’t eat on a pussy?”

Intermission… I was going to opine on the rarity of joke-telling (even clean ones) among my female friends just to separate the answer from the question. If you really want a break look here. (This is shameless self-promotion of an old post — don’t encourage me by clicking on it.)

OK, the answer: “The crust.”

I did warn you.

Technorati tags: Crude, Rude, and Socially Unacceptable~blog~personal~otoh~sydca

Vincent lies on the cot. He drifts in and out of sleep. Vaguely, he perceives the piles of trash and, occasionally, that there is a world beyond his windows. He knows he should get up, clean up, go outside, live. But he lies there. Everything he sees as if it is at the end of a tunnel. He is trapped in this body. His mind races and runs, but the body and the brain lie still.

There are good days. His mind often wanders on the good days. But that’s okay. Like a prepubescent teen, the house (his head) is quieter when his mind is out and about. And, so far, it has always come back eventually.

The problem is when his mind stays in and wonders. Bother. It paces in his brain like a caged animal, which apparently it is. It peers out through his eyes. It sees what he sees but doesn’t process it the same way. It doesn’t recognize what he finds familiar.

Sometimes he hears it muttering. “What is this skin I’m in? What is this clumsy blob?”

To which the brain might offer a feeble, “Hey, that’s our body you’re talking about. It’s the only one we’ve got.”

“Speak for yourself, brainiac. I can’t wait to get out of here again.” Resumes pacing.

Sometimes he lies catatonic. The brain thinks this is just fine. The mind screams at him. “Get your lazy ass up and DO something, you worthless slug.” Ah. The diplomatic approach. It rattles the cage. It looks for a door, a window, any means of escape. One thing the mind and brain agree on: If the mind wanders so easily the rest of the time, why can’t it get out now?

Mystery. Conundrum. Enigma. Puzzle. Riddle. Secret. Problem. His mind is a problem child.

Technorati tags: Vincent~blog~personal~otoh~sydca