otoh

I was never a big fan of dead baby jokes, gross jokes, truly tasteless jokes, or the like. Yet I’m quite capable of being disgusted and amused by things at the same time. Like that Post Log pic. (There was a pun intended there, by the way.)

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it….

One of the things I’ve been reading lately is The Pleasure of Finding Things Out: The Best Short Works of Richard P. Feynman. Feynman was a Nobel Prize-winning physicist and teacher who worked on the Manhattan Project and was on the panel that investigated the Space Shuttle Challenger Disaster. And, by all accounts, he was quite a character.

What do you call a cat with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you. [To be fair, neither would a cat with legs....]

A recurring point in Feynman’s lectures is that a scientist must live with doubt. No matter how certain he thinks he is about a “fact”, he must keep an open mind to the possibility that some new evidence will be presented that will indicate that what we’ve known all along is totally wrong. That’s why scientists call what they “know” theories instead of facts.

What do you call it when you take a dog with no legs for a walk?
A drag….

A scientist, Feynman says, believes things with varying levels of certainty, but never 100% certain. Holding in mind that something is probably true (until new evidence leads us to believe it probably is not) is like believing that something is both true and not true. Parents and teachers know what it’s like to see a behavior we should discourage. So we put on our stern faces and use our I-really-mean-it voices. We wag our fingers and shake our heads. And hope like hell we’re out of earshot when we bust a gut laughing at what the kid has done.

I want to warn you that this is my crappiest post (and crappiest photo) ever!

So let’s start with a joke: You know what happens when your optic nerve gets routed through your rectum? You have a shitty outlook….

I rarely enter the boys’ restrooms at work. (There are separate facilities for faculty.) But one day last week just before I left [late] one day, I made a quick pit stop in one of them. Ew! Ugh! Ick! Graffiti on the wall. Toilet paper on the floor. And… WTF?!

Let me digress a moment. I don’t understand why students anyone would mess up a room they need on a regular basis. Teenage boys are pigs, yes, but real pigs like clean mud. I’ll speculate on their lack of breeding, ambition, skill, maturity, etc. some other time….

Anyway, this was one of those times I was glad I had my camera with me [although you may not be] because no one would ever believe this without proof. I have no idea if this was the work of an individual or a, umm, collaboration. Is this a desparate cry for attention? Performance art maybe? Social commentary? [I give them way too much credit.] If you have delicate sensibilities do not click to see this:

Kinda brings a new meaning to shitty outlook dunnit?

In one of the relatively early incarnations of Saturday Night Live, Tim Kazurinsky had a recurring Dalai Lama-type charcter named Habinagudtym Vishnu Verhere who answered “philosophical” questions from the audience. The only one that I remember [I think] was, “Why do we look in the toilet before we flush?” His answer, “I think it’s to see how fast corn goes through our system.”

One of my cousins, a Viet Nam veteran, told me that someone in his unit was bit in the ass by a snake that had gotten into the latrine. I don’t know if that’s really true, but given the jungle conditions I believe it could be. And in either case it reminds me of an old joke [of course]. I have heard it in various versions about hunters, campers, and even Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Holmes: “Watson, come here! I’ve been bitten on the buttocks by a poisonous snake. Unless you make an X-shaped incision over the bite and suck out the poison I’ll be dead in a matter of minutes. Do you know what this means, Watson?”

Watson: “Yes, old boy. It means you are about to die…..”

I have a habit of looking in the toilet bowl before I use it. I don’t want any creatures sneaking up on me from behind, er below. And that actually paid off once. [Once was enough to reinforce the habit.] When I moved into a house that had been vacant for several months I found a small frog inside the toilet bowl. It was easy enough to capture the critter and release it outside. I shudder to think what might have happened if I hadn’t spotted it before I sat down. Neither of our lives would ever be the same. I might have had to learn that “hover maneuver” that you ladies use….

Since I got a compact digital camera I carry it around more often than I ever did my film cameras. So there are some of those “If I only had a camera with me” moments when I actually do have a camera with me. A couple weeks ago I was leaving work and saw this:

Now that’s a big tow!

Nothing is more dangerous than an idea if it is the only one you have.

Here’s an idea: an American Civil Responsibilities Union — freedom isn’t free.

Here’s an idea: a letter that I never wrote might be called Missive Inaction.

Here’s an idea: The Seven Habits of Highly Offensive People.

Here’s an idea: Brother Can You Paradigm?

Here’s an idea: Are you less (or more) likely to have an accident if you have a purpose?

Here’s an idea: Mr. Couch Potato Head

Here’s an idea: Sea Creature Chess — King crab, Queen conch, Bishop fish, Seahorse, Sand castle, and Prawns [and, yes, I know that sand castles are not creatures... I never said it was a great or fully-developed idea.]

Now, I wrote all of that just so I could write this other idea I had:
Beware the IDEAS of March.

Do you ever hide things on your blog?

We are at the end of the 3rd quarter of the school year. I’m swamped with grading projects and such. But a colleague presents evidence to refute my claim that I do NOT have too much time on my hands.

This particular colleague has a dog (a pug) that she says hates her. Loves everyone else in the world. Hates her. She made the mistake of telling told us that she had a dream during her pregnancy that her baby came out as a pug. She delivered last week and emailed us baby pictures. Which I um… modified and sent back like this:

Don’t look too closely — it’s not a very neat job. I still maintain that I don’t have too much time….

Technorati tags: blog~personal~otoh~photo~hnt~otohPhoto: Baby PUGture

Yesterday was March 4th. Did you (march forth)?

Here’s another problem I don’t have: Too much time on my hands. What did you think it was…?

I bought new socks recently. — Wait… OK, not exactly earth-shattering news or something I’d lead with at a party. — I hate shopping for clothes [that could be a whole different post], but socks are relatively easy. I’ve been able to buy the same size for all of my adult life. I can’t say that about anything else I normally wear.

Anyway, as I was taking them out of the packages I noticed they had laundry instructions. Really. I’m no master of domesticity, but washing my socks never seemed like a terrific challenge. Except maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all this time. The instructions said to turn the socks inside out before washing. Two different brands of socks. Both tell me to turn them inside out.

Briefly, I look in vain for any explanation for why they should be turned inside out. Will they get cleaner? Last longer? Smell better? Will they keep my feet warmer? Are they less likely to disappear from the dryer? Less static cling? [Not that that's a big problem in Florida most of the time....] Will I stand taller? Walk straighter? Run faster?

Or are they just messing with me?