otoh

In one of the relatively early incarnations of Saturday Night Live, Tim Kazurinsky had a recurring Dalai Lama-type charcter named Habinagudtym Vishnu Verhere who answered “philosophical” questions from the audience. The only one that I remember [I think] was, “Why do we look in the toilet before we flush?” His answer, “I think it’s to see how fast corn goes through our system.”

One of my cousins, a Viet Nam veteran, told me that someone in his unit was bit in the ass by a snake that had gotten into the latrine. I don’t know if that’s really true, but given the jungle conditions I believe it could be. And in either case it reminds me of an old joke [of course]. I have heard it in various versions about hunters, campers, and even Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Holmes: “Watson, come here! I’ve been bitten on the buttocks by a poisonous snake. Unless you make an X-shaped incision over the bite and suck out the poison I’ll be dead in a matter of minutes. Do you know what this means, Watson?”

Watson: “Yes, old boy. It means you are about to die…..”

I have a habit of looking in the toilet bowl before I use it. I don’t want any creatures sneaking up on me from behind, er below. And that actually paid off once. [Once was enough to reinforce the habit.] When I moved into a house that had been vacant for several months I found a small frog inside the toilet bowl. It was easy enough to capture the critter and release it outside. I shudder to think what might have happened if I hadn’t spotted it before I sat down. Neither of our lives would ever be the same. I might have had to learn that “hover maneuver” that you ladies use….