otoh

I’ve probably told you this before:

Fred pushed the snooze button and pulled the blankets over his head. He heard a voice, muffled by the covers, calling to him.

“Fred! You have to get up. You’ll be late for school.”

Fred peeked out at the pre-dawn darkness. “I don’t want to go.”

“Don’t be silly, Fred. You have to go.”

“No! All the teachers hate me and all the students make fun of me. Why do I have to go?”

“Because, dear, you’re 50 years old and you’re the principal….”

Teachers in my district return to work tomorrow and students go back to class next week. Wish me luck!

Usually we get a letter from the principal a couple weeks or so before the start of the school year. Typical stuff — welcome back [or welcome new people], schedule for pre-planning, news from the summer months, etc. And often a membership form for PTSA (Parent Teacher Student Association) as did the one I got this year.

On that form is a section copied below and I have emphasized one word:

This year PTSA is looking to create a book highlighting our teachers and staff. Let us get to know you by sharing with us your favorite recipe, funny teaching experience, antidote, or what motivates you to work so well with our children.

You think they’d be pissed if I write “activated charcoal”?

I’m thinking of a number…. It’s a billion and it’s the number of times I’ve seen a certain series of really stupid commercials on TV. And it’s a fraction of the number of times I think the people behind that commercial should be slapped around. Let me just say this: don’t go there [freecreditreport_dot_com], gohere [www.annualcreditreport.com].

And what’s with a certain law firm advertising all over the place trying to get people to sign over structured insurance settlements or annuities? Am I the only one that thinks this guy [jgwentworth_dot_com] looks like a snake? I shudder to think what percentage you have to sign away to get a lump sum payment.

To be fair [sort of] I don’t like commercials at all — Hey, I’m paying for cable. Isn’t that enough? — but some of them [like these two] really get on my nerves. My apologies to people that have the sense not to have the TV on as much as I do [or international readers] that haven’t seen the commercials I’m referring to. While it’s not uncommon for people not to know what the hell I’m talking about, in this case at least you should count yourselves lucky.

Ginger sipped her tea while gazing out the window at the birds feeding in her yard. She had no idea how much she had spent on bird feeders and seeds, but the cost was not really relevant. She felt such tranquility watching them visit — even the squabbles when the blue jays tried to monopolize the area.

Suddenly in a flurry of squawks and seeds and flapping wings, a hawk grabbed a sparrow and carried it away.

Elton John sang “Circle of Life” on the radio. “Fuck you,” said Ginger.

In a conversation about what parents find in their children’s rooms, my oldest sister told me that when she was 13 she had kept a diary. In it she had written about ways that she thought she could sneak out to see a boy that our mother didn’t want her to see. (Not that she had, just that she could.) Mom found the diary, read it, and went ballistic.

This is what my sister said she learned from the experience:

Never put anything in writing.

She hasn’t written in a diary or journal (or blog, hah!) since.

Did your parents ever find anything in your room and then confront you with it?