Boys Want Sex in the Morning

Some time in the late ’80s I was at a social gathering when the host said, “You have to hear this song.” He put on this tune by Uncle Bonsai, Boys Want Sex in the Morning. Freakin’ hilarious! And with other titles like Cheerleaders on Drugs, Don’t Put it in Your Mouth, Premenstrual Syndrome, Boys in Heat, Let’s Pretend We Never Met, Puberty Wars, Running With Scissors, and I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I’m Trying To Read… well, let’s just say I was hooked. I found a couple of their albums on cassette at a local shop, but nothing on CD. I bought the tapes, the only ones I have ever bought since I started buying CDs. (I never much liked the cassette format anyway, but for a while it was the most practical way to take music in the car….)

I don’t think I’ve ever heard one of their songs on the radio. I never saw them in concert — they were based in Seattle and played mostly around the northwest I think and they disbanded in 1989. Bummer. But on a lark I did a search online last year and found out that they have been performing together again AND most of their stuff is now available on CD. And maybe next time I visit my sister up in Seattle I’ll be able to catch a live show.

I mentioned in a recent comment that I’ve always liked clever lyrics. How’s this for clever?

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
When I’m not my best
Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
Tearing at my breast
Boys want
Someone who’s winsome
Someone to pin
Someone to undertake
Boys want
Someone to fall on
Someone to crawl on
Someone half awake

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
Covers at my knees
Boys want
Rotten conditions
Passive positions
I am a trapeze
Boys want
Someone who’s sleepy
Someone who’s keeping
Nothing in too deep
Boys want
Somebody first hand
Someone to burst
And then go back to sleep

There is nothing I like better
Than a jostle now and then
With the hands under the sweater
And the back that starts to bend
But before my eyes are open
I don’t want to have to hide
From a simpleton still poking
With a thimbleful of pride

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
Soiling the sheets
Boys want
Sex while I’m yawning
Suddenly spawning
When I’m half asleep
Boys want
Someone unconscious
Somebody not just
Waiting for a thrill
Boys want
Sex with surprises
Sex with sunrises
Someone on the pill

There is nothing like a lover
Who can satisfy your needs
And the joy when you discover
Just how often he succeeds
But before my eyes can focus
I don’t need him to surprise
By descending like a locust
On a field of sleeping thighs

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
When I’m still not fresh
Boys want
Something that strikes them
Someone who likes them
Fondling their flesh
Boys want
Someone to take and
Someone to break and
Comment on their size
Boys want
Someone to prod and
Someone who’ll nod
And then just close her eyes