Smoking is a filthy, disgusting habit. I hope you never start — or I hope you stop soon if you smoke now.

But… [everyone should have at least one vice, right?] I enjoy an occasional cigar. Especially as the weather (finally!) is turning a little cooler and I can sit outside comfortably. I never smoke inside my house or car. I don’t encourage smoking (see the start of this post)… well almost never. At the Halloween party on Saturday, with the permission of the hostess, I brought along a box of cheap cigars to share. They were integral to one of my costume ideas that I ended up not using. [Gee, could I be more obscure?]

Lest you think that was all I brought to the party [aside from my charm and sparkling wit, of course] I also brought Triscuit crackers with cream cheese and jalapeño pepper jelly. It sounds weird [um, it's me, remember?], but the pepper jelly [don't get just plain pepper jelly, make sure it's hot pepper jelly] has a bite to it that’s tempered by the cream cheese. It’s hot. It’s cool.

Anyway, I left the box of cigars out on the balcony. And someone actually asked me [I can't believe they lobbed me such a soft one], “Cigars? Did someone have a baby?” To which I quickly [eagerly] replied, “Yes! It’s a ghoul.” [sparkling wit at the ready!] Really. I slay myself. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And I was not drinking. Maybe just a tad short of oxygen?

At least I didn’t set my hair on fire.

Please do not spook unless spooken to.

Posted by Tim