RRR: Two Heads Are Different Than One

Another repost. Just for fun and because I haven’t finished any of the drafts I have bouncing around….

Wow.
WOW!
(indistinct mumbling)
Stunning!
Wha-huh? Right. Stunning. Do I look stunned?
I feel a tingling sensation….
Shut up! How do I look?
Your mouth is closed, you’re not drooling. We’re cool!
Is it hot in here?
Yeah, she’s really hot!
I feel like an idiot. Do I look like an idiot? Please, god, don’t let me look like an idiot.
Look at those –
Eyes! Maintain eye contact.
But get a load of her –
Eyes! Wait, am I staring now? I should look away. She’s going to think I’m some kind of stalker.
Yeah, I’d like to stock her. Heh heh heh.
Shut up! I don’t even know what that means, but you make it sound dirty.
Heh heh heh.
Cut that out!
She’s leaning over. Look down her blouse.
No! She’ll think I’m a creep.
She expects you to look. If you don’t look, she’ll think you’re gay.
Maybe I can catch a glimpse without her noticing…
So you’re gonna look and she’ll still think you’re gay because she doesn’t know you looked.
Well, no one can blame me if my eyes just kind of wander down…
Woo-hoo! Hooters! I wonder what color her –
Eyes! Look at her eyes!
Lace. I definitely saw some lace.
Yeah, it’s amazing how you can see the lace and still be imagining her naked.
Yeah, naked. Heh heh heh.
Shut up. I can’t hear what she’s saying. Smile. Nod. Pretend you’ve been paying attention.
I’m standing at attention. Does that count?
(Grinning stupidly.) Wait, what is she looking at. Do I have something in my teeth?
Teeth… zipper… my turn! Heh heh heh.
Oh my god. Did she ask a question? Is she waiting for me to say something?
Let ME do the talking.
That’s definitely not going to happen.
I know how to drive home a point.
You are so disgusting. You’re gonna get me slapped–
Me next, me next!
–or worse get me arrested–
Might be worth it.
–and thrown in jail–
Might be worth it.
–in a cell full of men–
Might be a good idea if you take over again….