I Take a Deep Breath and a Good Look Around

There is a scene in one of the books I’m reading where the lead character (a free diver) submerges herself in a swimming pool to relax. I read the sentence and I find I am holding my breath through the next couple paragraphs. I do that when watching TV or movies too. If a character goes underwater or is being suffocated I hold my breath. I have to think, “Breathe!”

We made it through the first week of school. Schedules are still messed up (like always) and the guidance department is “working” to get them straightened out (like always) and I think they are going to ignore my requests to fix my class levels (like always). Certain colleagues keep encouraging me to be optimistic. I try, but I’m not holding my breath….

Exchange Rate

I had a conversation this morning that started like this:

Administrator: Good morning! How are you?
Me: Peachy!
Administrator: Oh, I wish I could say that.
Me (pausing a half-beat and then deciding what the hell): I wish I were telling the truth….

The first week of school is always stressful. You’ve heard the aphorism, “Make God Laugh. Make plans.“? If (s)he has a floor, (s)he is rolling on it and laughing his/her/its ass off this time every year. Still, we make plans. And then we show up and see what happens. And plans usually go out the window.

Overall, today went fairly well. So tomorrow I’ll show up again. And see what happens….

The Idiot Box

I started a draft of this post a couple weeks ago. It just occurred to me that the title could apply equally to the school building some days. But this is another TV-themed post. Not that I watched a lot of TV this summer. [Um, how much is a lot?]

I’ve got a Bones to pick:
I’m a fan of Kathy Reichs’ novels so I was really looking forward to the TV drama, Bones. I was sorely disappointed. While the books and the show are both loosely based on Reichs’ life, the show is much looser. Sort of an alternate universe — a much sillier universe. But the show has grown on me — the characters are better developed even though the story lines range from gritty to ridiculous. Since I’ve stopped expecting to see the books on-screen and just go with the flow I like it much better.

Defectives:
Monk is in its final season. Here’s what happened… I watch the show pretty regularly but I’m always thinking, “I miss Columbo!” Oh, and just one more thing… I miss Banacek too.

Every 30 seconds:
I’m wondering how long it will be until someone gets the idea to follow the Cash Cab around New York and mug the winners. For that matter, they could mug the losers too — after all, they just saved cab fare.

Fantasy guest star:
Magnum P.I. ruled in the 80s. At the end of the series Magnum returned to work for Navy Intelligence. Now that CBS has the NCIS franchise firmly entrenched I’d love to see Magnum make an appearance on that show.

The dearth of late night:
You know who else I miss? Johnny Carson. The late night talk show circuit has become a great empty wasteland. It looks like Letterman is the last man standing. But now that I’m back to work I can’t stay up to watch any of them anyway.

Every 15 seconds:
I know that advertising costs are cheaper on late-night TV, but why do they run the exact same commercial twice in the same commercial break? Every commercial break. Drives me nuts. The car insurance and car warranty businesses must be doing well though.

Hey, down in front!:
I understand why channels want to float their logo in the corner of the screen, but some of these things have grown into monsters. And then they’ll scroll text across the bottom of the screen AND plug an upcoming show. Get that junk the frak out of my way!

Click.

Op… Wait for it… timism

So, the first day of classes went fairly well. There were two [imo major] snags — one completely out of our control [a district-wide computer network failure late in the day] and one I attribute to administrative amnesia [allotting the shortest time to the class period with the most to get done].

I ended the day feeling bone tired.

There is a specter over my shoulder — the ghost of school years past. Here is my impression of the way administrators plan things:

• There is a list of “this is how we always do it” notes
• They plan a day based on those notes
• They ask for suggestions on “how we can do better next time” notes
• They thank us profusely [though rarely convincingly] for our honest input
• The list of “this is how we always do it” notes NEVER gets revised
• So every year we have the SAME DAMN PROBLEMS

Maybe I’m just cynical….

Flower Power

Flower Power! The power to make me grin… or maybe I’ve finally had a complete psychotic break.

Lesson Plan

Students return on Monday. I am adopting Napoleon’s Battle Plan^1,2:

First we show up.
Then we see what happens.

Whew! Now what am I going to do with all the rest of my prep time????

Beware the Dreaded Thesaurus

Shel Silverstein [one of my most favoritest writers of all time] wrote:

If I had a brontosaurus,
I would name him Horace or Morris.
But if suddenly one day he had
A lot of little brontosauri-
I would change his name
To Laurie.

Which, although it tickles my funny bone, has nothing to do with today’s post other than brontosaurus rhyming with thesaurus and strengthening [however slightly] the intention of making the latter sound monstrous. [Wow, say that three times fast!]

Because… yesterday I made a joke about ineffable and today the dictionay.com Word of the Day is furbelow.

[blink... blink....] Everybody just make up your own joke.

Dies Caniculares

I happened across today’s M-W Word of the Day, canicular, meaning “of or relating to the dog days.” I don’t recall having heard it before although I did know that this part of summer is called the dog days because it is when the dog star (in the constellation Orion) rises in the northern hemisphere. [I really did know that, I'm totally Sirius. Um, you knew I was going to put that in here somewhere, right?]

I also know that “ineffable” does not refer to someone you would not have sex with. Sort of sounds like it should though, doesn’t it? What it really does mean… I can’t say. But I write that with unspeakable joy. [smirk] Or not. This post is supposed to be about dog days and being lazy. But I’m too lazy to stay on topic.

I’m facing the new school year with mounting trepidation. [Do we ever refer to trepidation when it is not mounting? Is it wrong that "mounting" is making me think of effing? So what are the odds my job is getting more effed up?] I think there was a scene in the sitcom Cheers where Norm walks into the bar [did you just hear everybody yell, "Norm!"?] and someone asks, “How’s life treating you?” And he answers, “Like life is a dog and I’m a fire hydrant.” But I just checked two pages of quotes from the show and neither includes that exchange. [Doesn't mean I'm wrong, right?] I did find these:

Norm: It’s a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy, and I’m wearing Milkbone underwear.

and

Coach: How’s life treating you Norm?
Norm: Like I ran over its dog.

And that reminds me of this, but I have no recollection of where or when I first heard it:

My karma ran over my dogma.

And that, tangentially [which seems to be the only way my brain works when t works at all these (dog) days], reminds me of this:

When It Rains

It was back to work today for teachers here. Students return to classes next Monday. Sigh… no more watching cheesy marathons on SyFy or Chiller for me. Not that I really did that. Well, not every day. Some days USA had something better. Hah! Now I’m getting up at around the time I was getting to sleep. What a shock to the system! Hoo else is a night owl? Raise your wing.

Hurricane season is officially from the first of June till the end of November. Of course, they can really develop any time of the year, just more likely during these months. Anyway, it has been a very calm tropical storm season so far this year and then in just the last couple days we’ve had three [THREEE!] tropical depressions develop. Already one of them, Bill, has strengthened to hurricane status. But it’s way out in the Atlantic and might not make it to the US. Another one, Claudette, wound up to tropical storm status and has made landfall across the panhandle into Alabama. Poor Ana, the first named storm of the season, is still a tropical depression and may fall apart before it gets here. Or not. You never can tell for sure with these things.

But seriously, all this activity developed in just the last couple of days! It really hasn’t affected my weather here yet but I feel like we’re looking down the barrel of a gun again. A HUGE swirling, blowing, raining, storming, thundering, lightninginging… STORM gun. On the plus side, hurricanes can be good blog fodder!

No Les No More

RIP Les Paul, pioneer of the electric guitar and multi-track recording, 1915 – 2009