“So there IS someone else!” Ginger spits the words at me.
Seeing her lovely face all red and blotchy cuts me to the core. “Sweetheart, you know it’s not –”
“Don’t you dare call me ‘Sweetheart’ you bastard! My name is Ginger. Got it? Ginger! Not Linda. Not Julie. Not Suzanne. Ginger!”
I never tried to hide the fact that I changed their names when I edited pieces for publication. I never expected her to get upset over it though. “OK. Ginger. See, those are just pseudonyms. It’s still you in all those stories. After all, actors don’t use their real names when they play a character.”
“Hah! Actors! I knew you would bring that up. Just because people picture Astaire and Rogers when they see our names. Is that our fault? You’re the writer here. You thought this would be a good idea. It’s your fault. Yours!”
“I know Ginger, of course it’s not your fault. It’s mine. And I take full responsibility. But more than one reader has complained that these names pull them out of my — YOUR stories.”
“We don’t even look like them,” Fred adds. “In fact, we work hard to look different every week! Besides, we let you post that creepy animation a couple weeks ago. THAT was embarrassing.”
He had me there. That was embarrassing. “But, that’s part of the problem. I know you look different every week. You’re my little changelings, taking on the appearance of the characters in each story. To me, you ARE different. Not everyone can see that.”
“Pffft. If you were a better writer they might.”
Ouch! “And then,” I blunder on even with that knife in my heart, “people see Fred and Ginger two weeks in a row and think we’re continuing the same story. Do you know how hard it is to get someone back for a third week after that? They don’t need to come here to get confused.”
“See! It’s YOU, Tim. You made this mess. You said names weren’t important. I think you were just being lazy. And now you say you’re done with us?”
“I’m not done with you. You’ll still be in the drafts I write. It’s just… I need to change your names before I publish the stories.”
“Careful, folks,” Ginger waves both hands above her head, “he has an eraser and he’s not afraid to use it! Go ahead, make that stupid ‘getting rubbed out’ joke. You know you’re dying to….”
I can feel my face getting red. I’ve been pwned and punned in a single stroke. I never expected this to be so difficult… archive the old stuff, tap a few keys, a global search and replace. Now my characters are copping an attitude? What do they want from me?
“You know,” Fred chimes in, “we’ve tried to be everything for you — friends, siblings, lovers, spouses. Hell, we’ve KILLED and DIED for you. How can you just write us off like this?”
I look at them both. “I know. And I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful. It’s just… I guess I always knew it would come to this someday. In order to grow, I need to move on.”
I move the cursor to highlight their names. My hand hovers over the delete key.
.
.
.
.
.
[Note: Learn more about Fred and Ginger here. ~Tim]
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Let's do Something Cheap and Superficial 
Don’t you just hate it when your characters mutiny?
Very funny stuff, Tim! Oh, and that creepy animation… ROFL!
Thanks, Laura. The upside to mutiny by my characters [as opposed to, say, my students] is that I can kill and revive my characters over and over and over. But you know all about killing your characters. ~Tim
You have all the power. But you’ve created characters that are taking matters into their own hands, eh?
Very funny, this. Laughed a lot. Oh, yes, I remember that animation.
Hmm. Wonder if your hand makes contact with that delete key. Or maybe Fred and Ginger jump you and tie you to the…
Thanks, Marisa. So far they haven’t attacked me but they keep whispering behind my back. Maybe I should be more worried than I am…. ~Tim
They do come to life, you know. Unfortunately, now you’re obligated to them.
Just don’t change it to Laurel and Hardy or Abbott and Costello. Or, god forbid, Brad and Angelina. Anything but that. . .
Thanks, Jenn. I suppose George and Gracie are out of contention too? ~Tim
No! Don’t do it Tim! They’ll haunt you for the rest of your life and you know it.
This is such great stuff. I hope you have a bit of your own mind left.
Thanks, Deanna. My own mind left me long ago. ~Tim
“Besides, we let you post that creepy animation a couple weeks ago. THAT was embarrassing.”
Bwaha, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who fights with his characters.
Thanks, John. I don’t mind fighting with my characters, but I hate how often I lose to them. ~Tim
Funny end to F&G. I was able to overlook their names after a while, but in truth will enjoy you sweating over original names…
Don’t know why you turned down my suggestion of Myron and Beulah though…both names bring such vivid pictures to mind.
(a) go to a yard sale
(b) buy a used baby name book
(c) don’t name your characters anything that can also be used for a dog or a designer cologne
(d) this suggestion also pertains to people currently naming babies
Thanks, Karen. I was going to name my dog phideaux and my cologne eau de macncheese. Those would indeed be silly names for my characters. ~Tim
I love your stories Tim and was getting used to the Fred and Ginger thing. But, I can see why you would want to branch out. This piece is so much fun. You have a gift for dialogue. I could see Ginger letting you have it, morphing between images as you blot her out. Where will you go next?
Thanks, G.P. It’s relatively easy to write dialogue for a woman being mad at me when so many have been in real life [but that's a whole other story]. As for where I’m going next, I hope you’ll stop by again to find out. ~Tim
No way, you bastard! I run a Fred and Ginger fansite and we will keep them alive, mean, and pissed off with you for the rest of eternity…
Thanks, Anton. I would expect nothing less. I might even join the fansite [under an assumed name, of course]. ~Tim
Ha! The delete key may destroy your characters on paper or screen, but I bet they keep on living in your noggin. Great story, first of the Ginger and Fred for me… off to read more. Peace, Linda
Thanks, Linda. Yup, my characters are alive and well in my noggin. Hope you enjoy some of their their other adventures. ~Tim
It’s so much fun reading about Fred and Ginger, but you’ve made me curious of what will follow
So, see you next week!
PS: isn’t it annoying to have your characters question your writing?
Thanks, Estrella. If my characters did not annoy me, they might never make it onto the page. ~Tim
Ingrates. Have they no appreciations for having been imagined? Erase their mouths.
Hah! I never thought about deleting just the mouthy parts. Thanks, David. ~Tim
Oh dear, Tim – busted by your characters!
I will miss them though – I might have to join forces with Anton…
Oooh, maybe someday there will be a Fred and Ginger Resurrection! Thanks, Mazzz. ~Tim
creepy–”I can kill and revive my characters over and over and over” <– I just watched a movie called "Subject 2" recently where the Scientist killed and revived his test subject over and over again. It was a bit chilling. I liked Fred and Ginger, too.. but I'm sure you are already writing your next piece!!
Thanks, Aymiee. I haven’t seen that movie, but it does sound creepy. And I have several stories in the works. ~Tim