Hunger Strike

It started when the decapitated head of lettuce in my salad screamed. The carrots were skinned alive. The artichoke hearts beat softly while the flesh of the tomatoes bled onto the carnage. The celery began stalking me. Then I was served a severed ear of corn. Soon, the eyes of the potatoes were watching me. I may never eat again….

18 Responses to "Hunger Strike"

karenfrommentor says:

2010/02/19 at 19:53

HA! I felt this way for a whole year after Rachel had me make a raw chicken “dance” …. still wake up screaming sometimes…..

Got a real kick out of this. Thanks for sharing.
Karen :0)

Thanks, Karen. Isn’t the chicken dance part of every wedding reception? Oh, you mean an actual chicken. Now I’m going to have nightmares! ~Tim
Cathy Olliffe says:

2010/02/19 at 20:37

Shit. I wrote about the evils of meat-eating and now you’re telling me the carrots are complaining.
Thank god for frito-lay or I’d starve. Y’know, like, after a month or two, I’d starve.
Karen’s right… your story is very Robin Williams-ish. And ya gotta love Robin Williams.
Now pass the salad dressing, I’m feeling munchie and murderous.

Thanks, Cathy. Maybe I should offer to write for Robin Williams. How cool would that be? Now, what type of salad dressing do you prefer? ~Tim
Marisa Birns says:

2010/02/19 at 20:50

This is very funny!

And I’ve returned from a meal where I ate, among other things, a salad.

No screaming or bleeding or stalking going on.

But, the restaurant WAS noisy so maybe…

Now, stop playing around with your food!

Thanks, Marisa. I’m working on a combination word processor and food processor. Playing with my food is as easy as playing with my words. ~Tim
Carol Benedict says:

2010/02/19 at 20:51

This is wonderful. My husband is doing the Atkins diet, just eating meat, and I’ve been going along with it to encourage him. Next time I crave some tasty vegetables, I’ll think of this story and resist temptation.

Thanks, Carol. I’m so often leading people INTO temptation; it’s nice to help you avoid it. ~Tim
Laura Eno says:

2010/02/19 at 22:02

Oh, no! My salad days may be over. Fun, Tim!

Thanks, Laura. Join me for a nice juicy steak? ~Tim
Carrie Clevenger says:

2010/02/19 at 22:20

[pushes away plate] I can’t even properly be a vegan.

Thanks, Carrie. This whole eating thing suddenly seems much more complicated. ~Tim
Jared Branch says:

2010/02/19 at 23:00

Ha funny stuff. I like your play on words.

Thanks, Jared. I like playing with words. And playing with my food. ~Tim
Jenn says:

2010/02/19 at 23:51

You know them taters got eyes!

You’ve heard of fruitarians, right? The desperate people who let vegetation naturally fall off of the vine or tree and then eat? I hear they are very thin.

Or you could just live off of artificially processed, chemically altered food products that come in cans and boxes.

On a serious note, I have often thought that Americans would eat just about anything in the form of a patty or nugget. We do not know what we eat.

Thanks, Jenn. Pass the soylent green, please. ~Tim
mazzz_in_Leeds says:

2010/02/20 at 09:03

hahaha, love it! Very clever

Thanks, Maria. I was afraid it was TOO short, but it seems to be striking a chord. ~Tim
Donald Conrad says:

2010/02/20 at 09:18

Refreshingly simple and succinct. Great stuff. Thanks Tim.

Thanks, Donald. ~Tim
Heather lloyd says:

2010/02/20 at 11:03

Great writing – short, sharp fun. Think you could easily extend this into a longer piece as the opening sentence is really gripping, but it works well as it stands too.

Thanks, Heather. It might be fun to make this longer sometime. ~Tim
Oliva Tejeda says:

2010/02/20 at 11:18

Just say no to veggies, Tim! Just say no!

This is short, sweet, and practically a political statement. Although I’m not sure what it’s saying. Seriously, though, it’s very clever and funny. ~ Olivia

Thanks, Olivia. I’m really apolitical and omnivorous [and glad you enjoyed this]. ~Tim
Tony Noland says:

2010/02/20 at 11:25

Nice play on words. I loved the celery stalking!

Thanks, Tony. I enjoyed that play too. ~Tim
Bill Dowis says:

2010/02/20 at 22:47

Plants are living things too. Who says it is more humane to be a vegetarian?

Thanks, Bill. I’m pretty sure most vegetarians say that. ~Tim
Virginia.Moffatt says:

2010/02/21 at 07:09

Just when you thought it was safe to be a vegetarian… Very, very cleverly written. Lovely play on words

So we all have to starve to death huh?

Thanks, Virginia. There’s always better living through chemicals. ~Tim
Laurita says:

2010/02/22 at 07:07

Clever and quite hilarious. This was exactly the wake up I needed this morning.
aymiee says:

2010/02/23 at 00:38

I love the play on words!! Very clever. Liked the eye of the potato.

Thanks, Aymiee. ~Tim
lime says:

2010/02/25 at 12:05

gees, if i were a vegetarian i’d be going awfully hungry after this!

Thanks, Lime. It seems like there’s nothing left that’s safe to eat, doesn’t it? ~Tim

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