Madeline shivered in the booth of the little diner. “Maybe eating somewhere new will break me out of this rut,” she mused to herself. “And this place looks so warm and cozy.” Besides, it was close to her office and had not been open long. It’s always good to support a local establishment.
The proprietor, Alphonse, a slight middle-aged man with a beatific smile, greeted her warmly. “How about some nice, hot soup to warm you up?”
“That sounds great,” Madeline smiled back.
“I’ll bring you something special,” Alphonse gave a little bow. “This is the only place in the world you can get it. My own creation.” He returned to the kitchen.
Madeline closed her eyes and massaged her temples. This case. This case had her mind in turmoil. No one she had talked to in any law enforcement agency anywhere had heard anything like it. And now it had happened for the third time. Three times in as many months.
Three times make it a serial, but serial what? Some madman is abducting young mothers with their infant children. He tortures the women — there’s no other word for it — by making them watch their child being murdered. He makes them watch. The bastard. But then, moments later returns the child unharmed.
No one knows how he’s making such a convincing display of the horror. Drugs? Hypnosis? CGI? The women all swear they saw their child die. It seems completely real. And then, perhaps most inexplicable of all, when the children are returned he collects the mother’s tears. And then he lets them go.
“Here’s your soup, ma’am,” Alphonse placed the steaming bowl on the table. “Careful, it’s piping hot.”
“Thank you,” Madeline stirred the hot liquid. “This is your own creation you said?”
“Oh yes. And very special. One of the ingredients is very hard to come by. This is only the third time I’ve been able to make it.”
Third time. She turned her gaze from Alphonse’s inscrutable smile to the wall behind him where the diner specials were neatly printed in colored chalk. In cheery, yellow script she read:
Soup du jour: larmes de joie
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Note: Long-time readers may recognize this as a piece I published before I joined the Friday Flash Fiction group. I have made some changes improvements to the previous version.
Let's do Something Cheap and Superficial 
This is a very intense story, I had to get up while reading and couldn’t wait to return to it. However, in the beginning, there are a few adjectives I could do without.
All in all, well done!
Thanks, Diandra. I was trying to convey not just the horror of the crime, but the incongruity of finding a clue in a comfortable place with a meek and friendly owner. Maybe I overdid it a little. ~Tim
oh wicked you.
Thanks, Michael. I’m not normal. ~Tim
Tim, when I got to the details about the murdered baby, I shrieked (only slightly exaggerated) which was a problem because I’m reading it at work (door shut at lunch). Ingeniously horrifying crime.
One small suggestion: in the line, “a slight middle-aged man with a beatific smile, greeted her warmly. “How about some nice, hot soup to warm…” You might rework to “a slight middle-aged man greeted her with a beatific smile” to avoid using ‘warmly’ twice. Just a thought.
Great story that will stick with me.
Thanks, Kim. I usually catch when I reuse a word like that. I’ll note it for the next editing session. ~Tim
Creepy! With her spoon poised…
Great story! I’ll remember to read the menu board from now on.
Thanks, Laura. You just reminded me of a funny story. Now I’ll have another post for the week! ~Tim
Poe and now you…I’ll never be able to eat soup again! Very original idea, how does he make them believe it???!!
Thanks, Shannon. He hasn’t revealed that secret yet. ~Tim
Oh, and mentioning Poe makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! Very kind of you.
Oh but this is too black. What a creepy, creepy idea. But, nastily funny too. Great stuff.
Thanks, Virginia. Once I got over having such a creepy idea in my head, I knew I had to write it. ~Tim
What a dish you’ve served up here… This is an ethically complex story, Tim. A victimless crime – on the one hand – to reveal the depth of maternal love, and on the other hand a dark psychological nightmare. Very, very intriguing. And very affecting too. Great work!
Simon.
Thanks, Simon. Although no one is physically harmed I think the psychological effects definitely make them victims. In an earlier draft though, the victims were physically harmed and this just seems creepier to me. ~Tim
Zut alors!
Okay. Last time it was salad. Now it’s soup. Worried about how you’ll scare us with the entree the next time.
It’s always more frightening when evil comes from a place/person/thing not normally associated with such darkness.
Well done!
Thanks, Marisa. I hadn’t really planned a food-related series but I find the idea intriguing. Maybe I should write enough for a chapbook… or a cookbook…. ~Tim
Soup Nazi indeed! With a most excellent broth base. Enjoy is not quite the right word to describe my reaction to your tale. How about tantalized? Peace, Linda
Thanks, Linda. Tantalized is a high compliment. ~Tim
Of all the crimes and madmen, there are worse. I’d eat there if everything else was closed.
Mais, je parle Francais.
Thanks, John. Since I don’t speak French I have to rely on tools like Babel Fish and Google Translate. ~Tim
YIKES! What a creepy and well told tale. Very creative. You force the reader into so many emotions with this, fear for the babies, empathy for the mother, suspense and finally disgust. Really well done with so few words.
Thanks, G.P. I hope you enjoyed the ride on the emotional roller coaster. ~Tim
Never trust a waiter called Alphonse who brings you soup. There’s certain to be something in it worse than a fly! Or that’s my takeout from this lovely little flash
Thanks, Lily. You want fries with your takeout? ~Tim
I often find myself subsisting on tears of joy. They are much less bitter than those of sorrow. Well done.
Thanks, Jared. Less bitter, yes. But I think one should not make a steady diet of them anyway. ~Tim
House special or is it a la carte.
My only slight quibble is I feel you rushed into the ending. I don’t know how many words you used, but I think you could afford to play with us readers more. Lull us further.
But great concept.
marc
Thanks, Marc. Great suggestion. This is under 400 words so I have plenty of room to play with. I think in the next version Madeline will eat the soup [Ew!] while chatting with Alphonse before she sees the menu. ~Tim
I saw it coming (the title, combined with the mention of the tear collecting did this), but the french line at the end worked wonderfully nonetheless!
Very original serial ?????er!
Thanks, Mazzz. I was going more for shock than mystery, so it seems to work. ~Tim
Enjoyed the tale, Tim.. must admit I translated the french line .. glad I did…
A really good soup is worth sacrificing practically anything.
Thanks, Cathy. I considered including a link to a translation. ~Tim
Intense, and horrifying…and ingenious! I really liked this!
Thanks, Amy. ~Tim
The freshest ingredients yield the best dishes. I liked that the goal wasn’t the act of murder itself, just harvesting tears.
Thanks, Trev. The idea kind of crept up on me and creeped me out. ~Tim