Lord Capulet read the morning newspaper over his breakfast. The social pages held glowing accounts of his soiree from the night before. He turned his attention to the police blotter.
Local Youth Arrested for Voyeurism
Verona, Italy [Otoh Press United] A 16 year old Verona boy was arrested last night in the orchard outside the home of a prominent local family where a private ball was being held.
A spokesperson for Count Paris, who was a guest at the ball, released a statement claiming that the boy had crashed the party and was harassing two teenage girls there. The girls are cousins in the host family. The boy was apprehended near the bedroom window of one of the girls.
The boy is also a suspect in a street brawl that had taken place earlier in the evening. Witnesses describe him as over-wrought, irrational, and babbling incoherently. He is being held without bond pending a psychiatric evaluation.
This reporter has obtained exclusive access to transcripts from his interrogation and apparent confession excerpted below.
Police: What is your name?
Suspect: I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself.
Police: How did you get in the orchard?
Suspect: With love’s light wings did I o’er-perch these walls; For stony limits cannot hold love out.
Police: What were you doing there?
Suspect: The exchange of thy love’s faithful vow for mine.
Police: Huh? Do you know where you are now?
Suspect: O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard. Being in night, all this is but a dream.
Police: Do you understand why you are being held here?
Suspect: Let me stand here till thou remember it.
Police: We’re going to have to lock you up until we can arrange for a mental examination. Do you understand?
Suspect: Hence will I to my ghostly father’s cell, His help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.
Juliet pushed the newspaper from her father’s hand. “Daddy, please don’t make me marry Paris. My god, he’s almost 30! If I have to marry that old man I’ll just die. I’ll positively diiiiiiiieeeeeeeee.”
Lord Capulet sighed and rolled his eyes. Teenage girls can be SO dramatic….
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While you’re here, why not take a few minutes to look at what I posted for National Poetry Month? You know, you’ll be a better person for it….
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Let's do Something Cheap and Superficial 
Ha! Nice take on R&J.
I think maybe they should check for illicit substances…
Thanks, Jen. It does sound like there were chemicals involved, doesn’t it? ~Tim
clever and well scripted, increase the font for your aged readers though!
Thanks, Michael. Believe it or not, updating my template and increasing font size is on my to-do list for this weekend. I hope you’ll come back and find it easier to read. ~Tim
Funny retelling of this classic! In typical fashion, it took me reading several lines before I realized who the voyeur was. Good work, Tim.
Thanks, Kim. His name is being withheld since he is a minor. ~Tim
LOVED IT! You have me smiling from ear to ear. The interrogation report is HILARIOUS!
Brilliant!
~2
Thanks, 2mara. That was the most fun part of this to write. ~Tim
extremely clever… great last line
Thanks, Anthony. Maybe I spend too much time around the drama kids at school. ~Tim
Hah, quite brilliant this!
Thoroughly enjoyable and am in awe of your clever creative thinking cap.
Thanks, Marisa. Now you’ve got me blushing. ~Tim
Too funny. And totally enjoyable. Shakespeare meets Law & Order. Very imaginative and well done.
“If I have to marry that old man…” Brilliant.
Thanks, Gracie. I love Law & Order, but I wasn’t consciously channeling that at the time. Remember when every episode was “ripped from the headlines”? ~Tim
This is brilliant. I hadn’t realised quite how much depends on context – say in a police interrogation what sounds so romantic in a play and it does indeed sound like the effect of an illict substance!
SO enjoyable.
Thanks, Aislinn. Context always makes a difference in my experience. That’s what makes writing familiar words into a different context so much fun. ~Tim
Hee Hee, great re-telling of a classic. So great in fact, that you might just have got me hooked on Shakespeare again!
Thanks, Sam. You know, Shakespeare’s version is a bit longer. ~Tim
Too funny! I’ll positively die…lol I could picture this perfectly. Thanks for the giggle!
Thanks, Shannon. Glad you giggled. ~Tim
Very witty interpretation!
I’m not sure what Juliet sees in the boy though. He talks funny…
Thanks, Laura. I know what you mean. I don’t understand a word he said. But I also rarely understand what teenage girls see in teenage boys. ~Tim
Fabulous. Wish I’d gotten to this one sooner. There are a lot of takes on Romeo and Juliet (it’s so tempting to mess with), but the use of the scene, the modern concept of cops busting him, and the mix-up of modern dialogue and Shakespearian overwriting is hilarious.
Thanks, John. I’m glad you enjoyed it. ~Tim
Excellent! Great take on the bard’s old tale. Loved it.
Thanks, Eric. I’m glad you enjoyed it. ~Tim
Impressive to take the characters and situation from Romeo and Juliet but put a modern (but not completely modern) spin on the tale. Creative and well executed. Funny too. Nice work.
Thanks, G.P. I’m glad the mix of modern and traditional worked. It was a little tricky to balance. ~Tim
A terrific take on Romeo and Juliet. I’m still smiling.
~jon
Thanks, Jon. I love making people smile. ~Tim