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Triptych

Posted by Tim at 02:09 on 2010/09/03
Sep 032010

I. Roy

Roy flipped on the lights and hesitated a moment by the door. He turned to face the young woman behind the counter. “Ready for your first day at work, baby girl?” he asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, Grampa.” Robyn tugged at the hem of the ill-fitting red smock.

Roy unlocked the doors to his convenience store and greeted the first customers of the day. Martie, one of his regulars, was first through the door. He was followed by a kid Roy didn’t know. He looked to be a mechanic by the way he was dressed — black work boots, navy blue pants, and a striped shirt with his name “Jimmy” sewn over the left pocket.

Roy watched Robyn ring up the sale of coffee and a chocolate donut to Martie. She tilted her head a bit to the left and twisted her mouth to the right as she calculated the change — Roy insisted that she not simply rely on the register to do the math. In those gestures he saw his daughter, Robyn’s mother. How funny, he thought, the traits that pass from one generation to the next.

“Thank you, sir. Have a good day,” Robyn told Martie. Then, “Hi, Jimmy. Will that be all?” as he stepped up with a bottle of Coke and a Snickers bar. Roy couldn’t hear the boy’s response, but noticed a slight blush in his granddaughter’s face. He moved closer and she said, “Robyn.” Then she counted out his change and finished with, “Thanks. Y’all come back.”

II. Martie

Martie was at the door of Roy’s Convenience five minutes before opening time. It was part of his morning ritual to get coffee and a donut on his way to work. Some punk in work clothes was at the corner smoking a cigarette.

When the door opened he said hi to Roy. He started toward the coffee pot and his eye was immediately drawn to a little hottie behind the counter. This was not a normal part of his routine. He stirred two creamers into his coffee and pulled a chocolate donut from the display case.

The shapeless smock couldn’t hide the girl’s curves and when she absent-mindedly pulled at its hem they stood out in bold relief. Her long straight hair spilled across her shoulders and flared over her breast when she tilted her head. She made a funny face when she counted out his change. He caught a glimpse of the lacy edge of her bra as he accepted the coins. He imagined that her firm body would defy gravity even without the garments.

“Thank you, sir. Have a good day,” she said. Did she emphasize the “sir” to remind him of the difference in their ages? He was easily old enough to be her father. “Still young enough to look, though,” he thought to himself as he sipped his coffee and pushed his way out the door.

III. Jimmy

Jimmy took one last drag of his cigarette and tossed the butt into the storm drain. The convenience store reminded him of the one he had almost robbed the week before. He didn’t know what had stopped him that night, but he knew that had he gone through with it he wouldn’t be here this morning. He had a new job helping out at Tennison’s Garage.

The old guy at the door seemed to eye him suspiciously. It made him nervous. He grabbed a 2-liter of Coke and a king-size candy bar without thinking about the fact that sugar and caffeine were not really what he needed this morning. But he found himself at the counter looking at the prettiest girl he had ever seen and he would have felt stupid taking his selections back for healthier choices.

“Hi, Jimmy. Will that be all?” He was stunned for a moment till he realized she had read his name off his work shirt. “You gonna tell me your name?” he asked softly. He felt more than saw the old man moving closer. Was that a smirk on the girl’s face or just a moment of concentration? Her cheeks appeared a shade darker.

“Robyn,” she said handing him his change. “Thanks. Y’all come back.” It was Jimmy’s turn to blush. And he knew. He would be back.

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9 Responses to “Triptych”

  1. I smiled at the end. Good show, Tim.

    Thanks, John. I smiled at the end too. ~Tim

  2. How wonderful! You’ve told three stories, and well.

    I’m sure Jimmy will permanently turn away from a life of crime now. :)

    Thanks, Marisa. Jimmy will at the very least be distracted from crime for a while it seems. We can hope it will be permanent. ~Tim

  3. I like the same moment in time from three different viewpoints. It made me smile.

    Thanks, Laura. It was a fun piece to write. ~Tim

  4. My favorite was the older man’s perspective. I often picture myself in other people’s shoes throughout the day so personally this was a really fun read for me.

    –snow

    Thanks, snow. It was fun to take such a small, seemingly inconsequential slice of life and view it from different perspectives. ~Tim

  5. I do that, too, snow! Especially since i started writing. This is very cool, Tim – three very tight stories, each offering a neat perspective :-)

    Thanks, PJ. I think I’ve always looked at other points of view, but I’m certainly more conscious of it since I started writing more. It can make all the difference in how the story is told. ~Tim

  6. It sounds like this girl needs a body guard… or a bigger smock.

    I love stories like this, told in separate pieces. Very well told.

    Thanks, Jen. Kinda funny, in an early draft Roy contemplated getting Robyn a new smock. It doesn’t fit well because it’s an old one. A bodyguard? I didn’t think any of the characters were that sinister, but I an see this could take a dark turn. ~Tim

  7. I really like how this was constructed. I also liked the old man thinking his granddaughter looked like his daughter while counting out the change. Nice little detail.

    Thanks, Laurita. I’m fascinated by the traits and mannerisms that pass down through generations. It seemed a natural fit for a multiple POV piece like this. ~Tim

  8. Cool presentation. Funny how small gestures remind us of our other loved ones. Nice that you captured that too, as well as all the viewpoints. I really liked this.

    Thanks, Peg. It was a fun piece to write. ~Tim

  9. i do like the same scene told from various perspectives. is it just me though or could the ending with martie or jimmie be read with a slightly ominous mood?

    Thanks, Lime. Jen commented too that Robyn might need a body guard. I didn’t intend for any of the characters to be particularly sinister although Martie is definitely creepy as a dirty old man. I hope that any ambiguity makes the story more entertaining. ~Tim

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