With trembling fingers I punch the number into the phone. Part of my brain wants to start a list of anachronisms like “dial a phone,” but I pull myself back to the task at hand as the phone rings. He picks it up on the second ring. “Hello.”
“Hello, Mr. Parker.” I feel a little giddy. “This is Rod Lingenfelter. I’m not coming in to work today.”
“Lingenfelter? What’s that? You’re not coming in today?”
“No sir,” I take a deep breath. “In fact, I just decided I won’t be in tomorrow either.”
“What’s the matter? Are you sick?”
“Oh, no,” I chuckle softly to myself. “I’ve never been better. I’m well for the first time in years.”
“What the hell, Lingenfelter. You can’t take a sick day if you’re not sick. That’s in your contract.”
“I didn’t say I was taking a sick day. I said I’m not coming to work today… or tomorrow… and I believe next week is rather doubtful.”
“I guess I could put it in as vacation time if you have any coming. You know you’re leaving us in a lurch. We’ll be short-handed.”
“Yes, the wellness came upon me quite suddenly. It’s really a remarkable sensation. I looked in the mirror and I simply couldn’t see myself at work today.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Lingenfelter, are you drunk or something?”
“You know, yesterday I probably would have said this sounds ridiculous too.”
“Well, good. Then you just come on in to work today and we’ll forget all about this nonsense. You can even come in… 15 minutes late and I won’t dock your pay. That give you enough time?”
“I’m not coming to work today.”
“Dammit, Lingenfelter, I’m trying to work with you here. You gotta meet me half way.”
“But I don’t.” I take a deep breath and I think trying to explain may be futile. “I don’t have to work with you at all. Ever.”
“Now see here, Lingenfelter. I don’t have time for this. You go ahead and take today off — without pay — and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Doubtful, sir. I think I’ll be at the beach.”
“The beach?”
“Or the mountains. I won’t know till tomorrow. Could go either way.” I hang up the phone, another anachronism since I really just pushed a button, and I’ve never felt better.
.
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Let's do Something Cheap and Superficial 
It took my sleepy head two readings to wrap itself around what you’d done here. I come away, though, thinking a beach is a great cure for the common cold, or malaise at a job.
Thanks, John. I appreciate even one read and you give me two. See you at the beach! ~Tim
“the wellness came upon me quite suddenly” Love it!
Thanks, Danielle. I figured that if I can get ill suddenly, one of my characters can get well suddenly. ~Tim
I should have read this on Saturday instead of before work on Friday. I’m not sure I can see myself at work today.
Thanks, Chuck. If you call in well and take the day off you will be my hero forever. [or till Monday, at least] ~Tim
Oh that’s nice! =D
How many times have I felt just like that…? Although normally I don’t want to go into work because I have a bout of mustwritetitis and I’m afraid it will clear up by the time I get home again…
Thanks, John. Why is it that the conditions we don’t want to clear up [like mustwritetitis], clear up so easily? ~Tim
Oh, isn’t this all of our dream? Great, (and temptingly inspiring), work Tim!
Thanks, Deanna. I have to admit that I have dreamed this dream many times. ~Tim
This is the lottery winner’s dream situation isn’t it? Or in his case, he just saw the light. Great fun and love his attitude with the boss.
Thanks, Justin. Yeah, he got well without any apparent financial windfall. ~Tim
could feel the serenity that wellness brings.
Thanks, Adam. It feels good, doesn’t it? ~Tim
Oh Tim, wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if we could all just DO this? great story.
Thanks, Steve. Maybe we all could. What’s stopping us? Oh yeah — clothing, shelter, that recurring desire to eat…. ~Tim
Thanks, Steve. I hope that’s 4/4 or 4/5 and not 4/10.
~Tim
I now have the best excuse for not returning to work after the school holidays (which have just started where I live in the world). Two glorious weeks off and the perfect excuse for not going back.
Great mind bending story. A twisty perspective.
Adam B @revhappiness
Thanks, Adam. I’m pleased to provide you with an excuse. I’ll even sign a note for you! ~Tim
Oh, I really like this one. And I love how the boss obviously needs him because he doesn’t fire him even after he knows he’s just blown off work indefinitely.
Thanks, GP. Just because they need you doesn’t mean you have to go. ~Tim
[...] “Calling in Well” by Tim VanSant — Not calling in sick, no. Most of us come in sick. Ah, only if we knew what well felt like. [...]
Interesting take on the familiar phone call, right down to the trepidation in making the call in the first place!
Thanks, Icy. I’m phonophobic. That’s easy for me to write. ~Tim
Me likeee! Many times I’ve felt that I was in too good of a mood to waste it on work, but lacked the gonads to call in well. Kudos to you for capturing the moment.
Thanks, Trev. So, are you going to call in well next time you’re in too good of a mood to waste it on work? ~Tim
sanest thing he ever did!
Thanks, lime. I agree, but if he called in sane… that would just be crazy.
~Tim
Ha! This was good. Man I wish I could do this IRL, tomorrow!
Thanks, Rachel. Tomorrow is always the day I plan to do it. ~Tim
You’re a very bad influence. I can hear the boss still saying, “Now listen here, Lingenfelter-” after the phone is “hung up”.
Thanks, Mark. I live to be a bad influence. ~Tim
Calling in well is such a better deal than calling in sick. Tim, I dig your sense of humor.
Thanks, Laurita. I dig being dug. ~Tim
My husband has dreamed of doing that several times. It’s good to take control. I like the fact that he called in and offered an explanation, most people would have the dialogue in their head. I didn’t expect his boss to “work with him” nice addition.
Thanks, Lara. I like a bit of the unexpected. ~Tim
So good I shared with a friend!
Wouldn’t it be great to Call in Well …
Thanks, Karen. And especially thanks for sharing. Do you think we can organize a “World Call in Well Day”? ~Tim