Note: Many of you know Helen Howell from over at Helen Scribbles. She’s a frequent contributor to Friday Flash and often records audio narration of her stories. She’s on a break from writing for a few weeks, but she graciously consented to provide narration for me this week. So, while I hope you enjoy reading my story, I also hope you’ll click
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. and enjoy hearing Helen read it to you. Thanks again, Helen!
Wallflowers of the Elk Lodge Ballroom
Rhonda turned to Carolyn and shouted over the music, “Thanks again for inviting me. I haven’t been out dancing in ages. This should be fun.”
“Yeah,” Carolyn shouted back, “they have a dance here every month. I’ve been coming for about a year. There’s usually twice as many women as men, but we can always do the line dances and fast songs even without a partner.”
They sipped their soft drinks and watched the mostly middle-aged dancers gyrate around the dance floor.
“Uh-oh,” Carolyn leaned toward her friend. “See that guy coming in wearing the loud print shirt?”
Rhonda glanced at the entrance and nodded.
“That’s Frank. He wears so much after shave it will make your eyes water from ten feet away.”
Rhonda scrunched up her nose in disgust.
“Yeah, I’m surprised the cloud around him isn’t visible it’s so thick. Good thing there’s no smoking allowed in here; one stray spark and he’d burst into a ball of flame.”
Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock ‘n Roll pounded out of massive speakers at one end of the hall and the two friends tapped their feet in time with the beat.
“Oh, there’s Clinton.” Carolyn waved to a man that looked older than most of the crowd. “He’s a sweet guy, but he keeps his hearing aids turned off. The loud music causes feedback apparently. He’s not too bad a dancer, but he won’t say a word while he’s dancing. Hardly talks at all in here for that matter. And of course he won’t hear anything you say either. It’s almost like dancing by yourself, but with someone next to you.”
Rhonda nodded in acknowledgement.
“Yikes! There’s one to stay away from.” Carolyn glanced furtively to her right. “That’s Hank. We call him the Dance Nazi. Stiff as a board and hard to follow. Pushes you around the dance floor, practically tramples you to death, then he tells you what you’re doing wrong all the time.”
Rhonda averted her eyes and sipped her drink.
“That’s Jeff over there. He’s half the age of most of the people in here. He wouldn’t ever tell me what a guy in his twenties is doing hanging out with us. He’s a horrible dancer, but I gotta give him points for enthusiasm. He really does try hard. He just looks so uncomfortable with his own body though, and forget about him being comfortable with yours.”
The DJ announced that he was going to slow things down a bit and the sweet strains of The Tennessee Waltz enveloped the room. A complex pattern of exits, entrances, and partner-changes rippled across the floor. Soon there was a commotion across the room. A woman stormed off leaving her partner open-mouthed and empty-handed.
“Good for her,” said Carolyn. “I call him Grabby Gus. Saw him here for the first time last month. I danced with him for about 30 seconds and excused myself to the bathroom. I felt like I had been patted down by airport security, the man’s hands were all over the place.”
The crowd settled back into its promenade in 3/4 time. A couple dressed all in blue glided by.
“Mmmm,” Carolyn followed the couple with a dreamy-eyed gaze. “We call them Fred and Ginger because they only dance with each other now. Such a shame because he’s gotta be the best dancer in the place. She’s not nearly as good as he is, but, I mean, look at her. Guys always go for the girls with the big boobs.”
Rhonda fished an ice cube from her glass and munched on it.
“Next fast song they play we should just jump on out there,” Carolyn declared. “We might have to ask the guys to dance or just have fun without them. Most of them seemed pretty shy the last couple times I was here.”
“I wonder why?”
“Guys just don’t know what they’re missing.”
.
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Let's do Something Cheap and Superficial 
“Dance Nazi” Brilliant…A wonderfully hilarious story. Your characterisations are fantastic Tim.. with authentic, believable dialogue to match…
And Helen.. your voice is just perfect for this..
Loved it!
Thanks, Tom. The characterizations are mostly based on things some female friends told me when they were taking dance lessons several years ago.
And I agree, Helen’s voice is perfect for this. ~Tim
I wonder why indeed! Hehe. Another excellent story, Tim. And great reading, Helen.
Thanks, Eric. Ah, so you spotted the hints I have hidden in there, huh? ~Tim
You’re very welcome Tim ^_^ and it was indeed a great story!
Thanks, Helen. I’m sorry you’re not writing Friday Flash for a few weeks, but I’m really glad that it worked out you could do this for me. Your voice adds so much to it. ~Tim
Lovely collaboration, you two:)
Thanks, Anne. I feel like the stars aligned for this one. ~Tim
“I wonder why!” *snort* Good one!
Thanks, Ganymeder. There are none so blind as those who will not see. ~Tim
Dance Nazi? Nix the critique of the other partner, and that describes me! Though I do have the decency to sit all these out.
Lovely to hear Helen still in the game when she’s on a typing hiatus.
Thanks, John. That is mighty decent of you to sit out the dances. I bet all the women appreciate it.
And another hooray for Helen! ~Tim
Great work, both of you!
I must admit, I almost found myself finding a rhythm when reading the line: “..the two friends tapped their feet in time with the beat.”!
Thanks, Jack. I think I have to give any credit for inducing rhythm to Seger’s music rather than my writing, but I’m glad you felt it in any case. ~Tim
Heh, that’s how it usually goes: none of the men measure up, and they wonder why.
I’ll have to listen to Helen’s narration tonight, when I’m clear of the work firewall.
Clever story!
Thanks, FAR. Speaking as a man who has failed to measure up on any number of occasions, all I can say is, “Yup.”
I hope you do get back to hear Helen. Darn those employers and their pesky firewalls. What’s up with them anyway? ~Tim
There’s a tragedy under the humour here I feel. I smiled at this (especially the neat last line) but felt a bit sad too.
I’d echo comments about believable characters and also Helen’s reading.
Thanks to you both.
Thanks, Peter. You’re right. Although I tried to write this in a humorous way, I think there is tragic miscommunication at the heart of it. ~Tim
Glad to see Helen is still around! LOL and I have known guys like that.
Thanks, Sonia. I am so lucky that Helen recorded this! And we all know guys like that, I think. ~Tim
Fun story Tim! And I agree – Helen’s voice is perfect for this. Great work!
Thanks, Deanna. It was a fun write and it sounds so much better in Helen’s voice than in mine. ~Tim
great story and well done to Helen! I will look more carefully when I’m neat people dancing, will most probably spot a few dance nazis. Myself most probably being one of them
Thanks, Craig. Stop the madness! Don’t be a dance nazi!
~Tim
Y’know Tim, I think I’d like to stand beside Carolyn for the evening and just earwig, take a bit of pressure off poor Rhonda so-to-speak.
And Helen? your voice is just wonderful, just like your writing.
Thanks, Steve. I think you should ask Rhonda to dance. That is, if your wife doesn’t mind. ~Tim
Man, can I relate to this! Wonderful characterisation (though I’d expect nothing less from you) and it just feels so TRUE.
Thanks, Icy. How could I possibly hope for more than that? You’ve made my day. ~Tim
I’m laughing but quietly quiestioning at the same time – great work, I’m also gonna listen to Helen’s narration tonight away from the work PC
Thanks, Brainhaze. Laughing and questioning is a great response. And I hope you got back to hear Helen; she did a wonderful job. ~Tim