Satan at the Poetry Slam

The last person — is he a person? — I expected to see performing poetry in a coffee house was Satan. Yet there he was, that old devil, taking the stage with a poem he called Critical Mass.

I am the serpent in the garden
I brought you knowledge
of good and evil
and for that I was cast down
to crawl upon my belly

I am the morning star
bringing light to mankind
and for that my name is cursed
with fire and brimstone

At that point I pretty much tuned him out because… well, it kinda sucked, right? I applauded softly with the rest of the crowd when he finished and figured that would be the end of that. But he stood, a little awkwardly it seemed, at the edge of the stage. And then he walked over and gestured to the empty chair beside me. “Mind if I sit here?” he asked.

I wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but I was brought up to be polite and there was no good reason in heaven or earth I could think of to refuse the request. “Please do,” I said.

He signaled to have some coffee brought to the table and then collapsed into the seat. “Man, I’m terrible at these things,” he said.

“Ah, it wasn’t that bad.” Polite to a fault.

“Thanks,” he said, “but I lost the crowd before I even got as far as ‘morning star.’ Nobody remembers that ‘Lucifer’ means ‘bringer of light’ or that it was another name for the morning star. I should’ve stuck to open mic night at the comedy clubs. I kill there.”

His coffee arrived and he stirred in four packets of artificial sweetener. He sipped it with a grimace and added one more.

“I think it was easier writing psalms in Hebrew,” he said.

I was dumbfounded for a moment. “You wrote psalms?”

“Of course. We all did back then. Oh, but none of mine were ever published so you couldn’t have seen them. No, the ones that made it into print were much later. And, forgive me for saying so, but they weren’t as good either. Oh hell, after my performance tonight, who am I to talk?”

“Have you ever tried translating one of those old ones? Maybe they would still work today?”

He stared at me for a long moment and I swear it felt like the temperature rose a few degrees. Finally he answered, “Would you take an old love letter out of the back of your closet and go up there and read it?”

“No, I don’t think I could,” I said. It didn’t dawn on me until much later to wonder how he knew I still had some old love letters in the back of my closet.

“Yeah, well neither could I. Those psalms are from a different time and place and were for someone special. We… had a bit of a falling out.”

“I’ve heard stories.”

“Yeah, I know. But believe me, most of them are just that: stories.”

He took another sip of his coffee and we sat in an uncomfortable silence until the next poet stepped up to the mic. I tried to give her the attention I’m sure she deserved, but I was lost in thought. She finished to an enthusiastic ovation which made me a little sad that I hadn’t been listening.

I turned to my tablemate. “If you don’t mind my asking, why are you here? Why do this?”

He fixed an unwavering gaze on me again and apparently determined that I wasn’t being flippant. “I’m not really sure,” he said. “I guess part of it was a desire to have someone hear me — not some imagined version of me or what Hollywood or news outlets or churches say about me. No one really sees me any more.”

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”

“Hmmph. The Usual Suspects. I love that movie, but convincing the world I don’t exist was Hollywood’s trick, not mine. I’ve never denied my existence, just the accuracy of the way I’ve been portrayed.”

“Well, why not hold your own news conference or something then?”

“Nah, that always plays out too much like a publicity stunt.”

That sounded reasonable, but his appearance at a poetry reading seemed stunt-like to me too. “Have you ever thought of writing a book?”

He snorted and I think I saw a puff of smoke. “A book? Like to compete against the Bible, the best-selling book of all time? Yeah, right!”

I suddenly felt foolish for having made the suggestion. He certainly had a point about the competition.

“Besides,” he continued, “writing is hard work. Over the years I’ve picked up more souls of writers on midnights dreary than I have musicians at the crossroads. And if I can’t even produce a decent poem any more, there’s not a snowball’s chance in home of me writing a whole book.”

“So you chase your muse like the rest of us?”

“Writing, like all art, is spiritual. That’s why we say we get ‘inspired’ to write; we literally get inhabited by a spirit for a little while. But it doesn’t stay for long. We spend our lives — or in my case, eternity — in pursuit of it. And I guess that as much as anything explains why I’m really here tonight.”

He emptied his cup of coffee and stood. He slipped a crisp $10 bill under the edge of the cup. I wouldn’t have guessed he’s such a good tipper. “Well, you’ve been very kind to listen to me ramble,” he said.

“It was interesting. Maybe I’ll see you again sometime.”

He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked at me another long moment and then said, “No, I don’t think so.” Then he turned and walked away.


I’ll post the story behind this story on Monday. I hope you’ll come back to, um… learn about it’s genesis. [Note: You can now find that here.]


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38 Comments on Satan at the Poetry Slam

  1. Ha haa loved it, the devil is into writing – have you been to many poetry slams? Sometimes they can be hell in themselves ^__^

    This line made me laugh out loud “I said. It didn’t dawn on me until much later to wonder how he knew I still had some old love letters in the back of my closet.”

    Tim my man you NEVER disappoint with your stories. ^__^

    • Thanks, Helen. I’ve actually never been to a poetry slam, but I’ve seen some rockin’ YouTube videos from them.

      I’m glad that line made you laugh. I like it, but I was afraid it interrupted the flow of the story. I’m so glad now that I left it in. ~Tim

  2. I really enjoyed this story, I liked the way Lucifer was shown as a lost soul like everyone else, making the conversation flow very well. I look forward to reading about the genesis on this story :)

  3. love the fact that he picks up more writers’ souls these days than those of musicians at the crossroads – very clever.

    Please do be sure to post link to the genesis of this story, I’d love to read it. I once wrote a stage play about the advertising company who had landed the account to rebrand and relaunch Satan in the late 20th century, but they didn’t have much to work with…

    • Thanks, Marc. Gee, I thought Satan was running most of the late 20th century advertising companies. 😉 Whatever happened to your script? ~Tim

  4. I’m curious what’s behind this.

    I also don’t blame you for having Satan suck at poetry, it’s much easier to write!

    • Thanks, Peter. Since he is often portrayed as extremely cunning and clever, it was fun to imagine him wanting to do something that he really struggles with. ~Tim

  5. I chuckled all the way through this — the sucky poetry, “snowball’s chance at home,” grabbing writers’ souls in dreary midnights… and I especially loved the closing. “Maybe I’ll see you again.” “No, I don’t think so.” Now that’s a comfort!

    • Thanks, Larry. The snowball’s chance in home I think is my favorite line. And I was really tempted to give this a bit of a dark twist by having his last words be something ominous, but I like keeping the tone light better. ~Tim

  6. Yeah, I have a feeling that this guy may just steal a bit of one of those poor writers’ muses and try to pass the work off as his own, I mean, I don’t think Satan is gonna balk at plaigiarism.

    Good fun story Tim. :)

    • Thanks, Steve. I hadn’t thought of Satan as a plagiarist; that would be truly evil! ~Tim

  7. Excellent work, Tim. Your wit worked wonderfully – had me chuckling all the way through. I think my favorite line was “should’ve stuck to open mic night at the comedy clubs. I kill there.”

    I also look forward to hearing the origin of this one.

    • Thanks, Chuck. That line was one of the last changes I made after the piece had simmered for a few days. I’m glad the humor worked all the way through. ~Tim

  8. Tim — I am relieved the devil will not be seeing the protagonist again! I kept waiting for him to do something dastardly. Very interesting and I’m definitely coming back for the genesis : )

    • Thanks, Brinda. It was tempting to put something dastardly in. Ultimately, I think the humor works better without it. ~Tim

  9. This really grabbed my attention and held it through the whole piece. Loved too in the end how the devil said he wouldn’t be seeing the narrator. Always a good thing to hear :)

    • Thanks, Michael. If I ever have to meet the devil, I hope it’s as benign as this and that it is just one time. ~Tim

  10. Don’t think I’ve seen Satan quite like this before. Poor thing. Looking for inspriation like the rest of us.

    • Thanks, Sonia. I love that you said, “Poor thing” about Satan. I wanted readers to sympathize with him. ~Tim

  11. A politer and somewhat more charming Mysterious Stranger, though I don’t necessarily trust the light this one is bringing either.

  12. Love this, Tim, and how you also incorporated a poem for NPM :-) Wonderfully done!

    • Thanks, Estrella. I haven’t been writing much poetry lately, so it felt good to be able to incorporate that. [Even though, you know, it kinda sucks. 😉 ] ~Tim

  13. A while ago, I said one of your flashes was my favourite piece you’d ever written. Well scratch that, because THIS is. Absolutely awesome from start to finish.

  14. This was fun and quite a unique take on Old Scratch. I enjoyed it a lot. I loved a snowball’s chance in home and that he did not think he’d be seeing the narrator again. That had to be a relief. :)

    • Thanks, Jon. The snowball’s chance line came easily, but I agonized over that ending. Glad they both work. ~Tim

  15. I had a few giggles whilst reading this, but the last line really nailed it.

    Poetry slams can be so very amazing and so very terrible.

    • Thanks, Katherine. Tomorrow I’ll reveal how I considered changing the last line. I’m happy with the way it is now. ~Tim

  16. Hi again Tim, if you would likr to pop over to my blog I have something for you. :)

  17. Loved this. A very clever story, with your usual flair. Little details like this make your writing so much fun: “snowball’s chance in home”. That made me smile.

  18. Love this!

    “I should’ve stuck to open mic night at the comedy clubs. I kill there.” Was my favourite line, I had a right chuckle.

    Nice work, Tim.

  19. I loved everything about this. Really.

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