Bumper Crop

I was planning fresh meat on the grill. You know how it is when you get a craving for something. Nothing but a taste will satisfy it. Your mouth waters at the thought of it. Cravings like that, they can drive you a little crazy.

Hah! Driving me crazy, I think, is a pretty short trip. People say I’m half-way there to begin with. I can’t disagree. I’ve always been a little… off. But at least I have skills. I was counting on those skills to satisfy my craving.

I saw my chance soon enough. Something glinted up ahead on the right. I down-shifted, sped up, jumped the curb, and caught the pedestrian at the edge of the sidewalk. His eyes filled with fear and disbelief as he bounced off the windshield. I love it when I can see their eyes.

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27 Responses to "Bumper Crop"

Larry Kollar says:

2012/10/12 at 19:05

Mmmm-mmm, sometimes only long pork will do the job!
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/12 at 20:43
  
  Thanks, Larry. “Pedestrian. The other white meat….” ~Tim
  1. Cathy Webster says:
    
    2012/10/12 at 22:03
    
    HA!!!!!! I was just going to say how much I loved your story, the small, mean, crazy vicious coolness of it, and then I read “Pedestrian. The other white meat,” and, I swear, I laughed so hard I’m gonna have to change my undergotchies.
    
    This was clean and spare writing, with every word directed towards the punch at the end. Niiiiiice…
    1. Tim says:
      
      2012/10/13 at 00:57
      
      Thanks, Cathy. I love to make people laugh [even on crazy, vicious stories]. Sorry about your undergotchies though. I don’t suppose your homeowner’s insurance covers an accident like that…? ~Tim
      1. Brinda says:
        
        2012/10/15 at 13:46
        
        Hi Tim yup — you got me at ‘Pedestrian – the other white meat’ alright! The title made sense at the end of course – clever! LOL
      2. Tim says:
        
        2012/10/15 at 14:34
        
        Thanks, Brinda. Yes, the title is another of my little puns. I have great difficulty resisting puns. ~Tim
Sylvia van Bruggen says:

2012/10/13 at 02:26

Almost woke up my husband when I laughed out loud at the nasty little twist. What a story!!!!
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/13 at 08:24
  
  Thanks, Sylvia. Challenge accepted! I’ll try to write something that will make you laugh loud enough to actually wake up your husband. Hmmm, on second thought, that could lead to trouble that neither of us needs…. ~Tim
marc nash says:

2012/10/13 at 07:46

Doesn’t he hang the meat for 3 days first to cure it? Philistine! What kind of tastebuds do these cannibals have?
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/13 at 08:25
  
  Thanks, Marc. You’ve heard the expression, “Hangings too good for him,” haven’t you? ~Tim
The #FridayFlash Report – Vol 4 Number 20 | Friday Flash says:

2012/10/13 at 08:02

[...] Bumper Crop by Tim VanSant ~ @TimVanSant ~ Less than 500 words ~ Horror [...]
Steve Green says:

2012/10/13 at 08:27

Oh Tim, you wicked man you.

Save a piece of meat for me.. (Drools uncontrollably)
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/13 at 09:28
  
  Thanks, Steve. I’ll get you a bib and a stack of napkins too. ~Tim
Icy Sedgwick says:

2012/10/13 at 12:43

This rather brought to mind that game ‘Carmaggedon’. Nasty stuff!
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/13 at 16:21
  
  Thanks, Icy. I was thinking more predatory than mindless carnage, but there are similarities, of course. ~Tim
Cindy Vaskova says:

2012/10/13 at 18:22

Bhahahaha! Lovely wicked twist Tim! Enjoyed the story a lot. Since I offered you my M&M’s how bout’ a slice ?
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/14 at 08:35
  
  Thanks, Cindy. And of course I’ll save you a slice. How about a leg? ~Tim
Katherine says:

2012/10/13 at 21:55

Very creepy in a manic sort of way. One of the killers Capote described in In Cold Blood used to do just that, except with dogs.
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/14 at 08:36
  
  Thanks, Katherine. Running over dogs is just cruel. ~Tim
John Wiswell says:

2012/10/14 at 12:16

The gut wants what the gut wants! I hear some folks get absolutely hooked on human.
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/14 at 15:11
  
  Thanks, John. Always go with your gut. Or someone’s gut…. ~Tim
Helen says:

2012/10/14 at 23:11

Oh horrible! LOL and very well written. ^_^
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/15 at 08:37
  
  Thanks, Helen. Being horrible is so much fun. ~Tim
lime says:

2012/10/15 at 12:00

best if you can hit em in the head where you don’t damage the meat.
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/15 at 14:31
  
  Thanks, Lime. But hitting the head can damage the brain. That would be offal. ~Tim
Richard Bon says:

2012/10/15 at 22:27

This sent a chill down my spine and made me laugh at the same time. Didn’t know that was possible! It did not, however, make me hungry.
1. Tim says:
  
  2012/10/15 at 22:41
  
  Thanks, Richard. To give someone a chill and a laugh at the same time is as much as I could ever hope for. ~Tim

Comments are closed.