otoh

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.
This is an update of a post from 16 July 2005

I’ve always loved light bulb jokes. You know, “How many _____ does it take to change a light bulb?” [I've always loved elephant jokes too, but that will have to be another post.]

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
How many teenagers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Some years back [hah!] I went to a chiropractor for a while. He had a pretty good sense of humor so one time I told him this one:

Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it will take him ten visits to do it.

He got a good laugh out of that. The next week he told me that he had told that joke to another chiropractor friend of his and they decided on a better answer:

Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it will take him ten visits to do it — twenty if you have insurance.

And I got a good laugh out of that!

Answers:
psychologists = only one, but the light bulb has to want to change
teenagers = only one, they hold the bulb and the universe revolves around them
teamsters = TEN, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
country singers = two, one to change the bulb and one to sing about all the good times we had with the old bulb
philosophers = three, one to curse the darkness, one to light a candle, and one to change the bulb
computer programmers = can’t be done, that’s a hardware problem

And one more that I like a lot:

Q: How many kids with ADHD does it take to — hey, wanna go ride bikes?!?

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.
This was originally posted on 12 March 2005.

I think you can tell a lot about a person by their sense of humor. Like a lot of shy, geeky, introverts, I use humor — especially self-deprecating humor — as a defense. But I also use it as a gage to measure other people. They don’t have to be able to tell a joke well, but I like them better if they GET the joke.

Rene’ Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a beer. “I think not,” he replies. And then he disappears.

Now, I’m not a humor snob, but I do appreciate an intelligent comic and humor that rises above elementary potty jokes. For a long time though, my favorite three jokes all had one word in common in the punchline.

A buddy of mine went up to Harvard. (Remember, I grew up in Kentucky. This did not happen often.) While walking around campus, he stopped and asked one of the students, “Can y’all tell where the library’s at?” The student looked down his nose and sneered, “At Harvard, we don’t end a sentence with a preposotion.” “Okay,” says my buddy, “can y’all tell me where the library’s at, asshole?”

Nurse: “Doctor, why do you have a thermometer behind your ear?”
Doctor: “Dammit, some asshole has my pen again.”

Q: What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when he hits your windshield?
A: His asshole.

I tend to prefer short jokes and one-liners. But a good story has it’s merits.

A couple driving to Disney World saw signs for the nearby town of Kissimmee. Being unfamiliar with the area, they debated whether it is pronounced KISSimmee or kissIMMee or kissimmEE. The debate turned into an arguement and they decided that when they got to the town they would ask one of the locals. So they pulled into a fast food place on the main drag and went inside. Stepping up to the counter, the guy says, “I know this may sound like an unusual request, but could you please very slowly and distinctly tell us where we are?” The clerk looks at him and says, “Burger King.”

I told that to a girl I dated and she said, “Oh, so they never found out how to pronounce it.” In that instant, I knew our relationship was going nowhere. Maybe I am a humor snob. Somedays you’re the windshield. Somedays you’re the bug.

What makes you laugh?

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.
This was originally posted on 27 January 2005

Since I’ve had poetry in mind the last couple days, I did a quick search and ran across this:

Haiku in English:
it’s cute when children do it;
stupid for grown-ups.

What i was really looking for though was my favorite limerick. I found several variations on it, but not who wrote it:

There once was a man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When asked why it was
He answered because
I always try to fit everything into the last line that I possibly can.

While trying to find the poet to blame for that one I ran across these in a similar vein that are new to me:

This limerick’s too clever, I fear
And refers to itself (as you’ll hear)
With words twenty-nine
I’ve checked ‘em, it’s fine
But it means the last word isn’t

and

There once was a man from Peru
Whose limericks would end on line two

Just for grins, since I managed to post only CLEAN limericks, I’ll end with this little bit of slightly shady verse. I regret I don’t know who wrote this one either:

She offered her honor
He honored her offer
And all night long
He was on her and off her